Which School’s Coaching Staff sounds most like a Law Firm

May 31, 2024

I was driving home one day, and of course I always see a billboard advertising help after a motor vehicle accident. Call the LAW TIGERS, get the TEXAS HAMMER and so on. Then my mind started to wonder a little bit and got curious about which FBS Head Coaching staff sounded the most like a law firm you’d see on a billboard on the side of the road.

First, I needed to find a list of all the coaches, and of course Wikipedia had this information. List of Current NCAA Division I FBS Football Coaches. It was totally worth the donation to Wikipedia for this information.

I then needed to set some ground rules for this endeavor because this is going to be debated like everything college football related is, but I wanted to lay a foundation for the arguing that is bound to come.

I mean, this is strictly my opinion on what sounds the most like a Law Firm, but let’s make some light guidelines here:

  1. The law firm must go in order of the Head Coach's (HC) last name, Offensive Coordinator (OC) last name, and Defensive Coordinator (DC) last name.

    1. My reasoning here is that the Defensive Coordinator last name is the hammer of the law firm and needs to bring the umph to make you want to hire them for your case.

  2. If a Head Coach is also a Coordinator, we double the name in the law firm.

    1. If the Head Coach is the OC, it would be repeated two times in a row. If they were the DC, it would be HC, OC, and HC's last name again.

  3. Schools with Co-Coordinators for OC/DC get listed in the Law Firm.

    1. Some schools have Co-Coordinators for OC and DC. To me, that is like adding more partners to your “law firm,” and you need to be listed. So some schools have 5 coaches listed in their “law firm”.

  4. No Special Teams Coordinators are allowed in the “law firm name”.

    1. I love punts, field goals, and onside kicks as much as possible but my main reasoning here is that I feel the Special Teams coordinator wouldn’t get top billing in a Law Firm. They’re fighting for that full partner spot and just haven't gotten it yet, so I left them out.

  5. This is basically my opinion of things that sound like a law firm to me.

    1. I had the committee review these rankings, and we had some mild debates, but really, this is just for fun, so please enjoy.

And remember, this is all for fun and to pass the time in the off-season.

I ranked each school by Conference and had Jordan whip up some fun billboard graphics, and as you’ll see, teams with too many Co-Coordinators didn’t do well with me.

ACC

  1. Clawson, Ruggiero & Lambert - Wake Forest Demon Deacons 

  2. Brohm, Brohm & English - Louisville Cardinals  

  3. Key, Faulkner & Santucci - Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets 

  4. Narduzzi, Bell & Bates - Pittsburgh Panthers 

  5. Taylor, Taylor & April III - Stanford Cardinal

  6. O'Brien, Lawing & Lewis - Boston College Eagles

  7. Elliott, Kitchings & Rudzinski - Virginia Cavaliers 

  8. Norvell, Atkins & Fuller - Florida State Seminoles

  9. Pry, Bowen & Marve - Virginia Tech Hokies  

  10. Wilcox, Bloesch & Simon - California Golden Bears 

  11. Swinney, Riley, Conn & Godwin - Clemson Tigers

  12. Cristobal, Dawson & Guidry - Miami Hurricanes

  13. Doeren, Anae & Gibson - NC State Wolfpack 

  14. Diaz, Brewer & Patke - Duke Blue Devils 

  15. Brown, Lindsey, Collins & Warren - North Carolina Tar Heels 

  16. Lashlee, Likens, Woods & Symons - SMU Mustangs

  17. Brown, Johnson, Nixon, Robinson & Wright - Syracuse Orange

American

  1. Morris, Davis & Caponi - North Texas Mean Green

  2. Poggi, Miller & Osborn - Charlotte 49ers

  3. Wilson, Spurrier & Polizzi - Tulsa Golden Hurricane

  4. Monken, Worley & Woody - Army Black Knights

  5. Herman, Frye & Bellantoni - Florida Atlantic Owls

  6. Traylor, Burke & Loepp - UTSA Roadrunners

  7. Golesh, Gordon & Orlando - South Florida Bulls

  8. Houston, Baker & Harrell - East Carolina Pirates

  9. Drayton, Langsdorf & Withers - Temple Owls

  10. Newberry, Cronic & Volker - Navy Midshipmen

  11. Bloomgren, Tuiasosopo & Smith - Rice Owls

  12. Silverfield, Cramsey, Hankins & Nowinsky - Memphis Tigers

  13. Dilfer, Mortensen & Ta'ufo'ou - UAB Blazers

  14. Sumrall, Craddock, McKissack, Gasparato & Polk - Tulane Green Wave

Big XII

  1. Brennan, Babers & Akina - Arizona Wildcats

  2. Campbell, Mouser & Heacock - Iowa State Cyclones

  3. Sanders, Shurmur & Livingston - Colorado Buffaloes

  4. Dillingham, Arroyo & Ward - Arizona State Sun Devils

  5. Fritz, Barbay & Wood - Houston Cougars

  6. Whittingham, Ludwig & Scalley - Utah Utes

  7. Aranda, Spavital & Powledge - Baylor Bears

  8. Gundy, Dunn, Clements & Nardo - Oklahoma State Cowboys

  9. Sitake, Roderick & Hill - BYU Cougars

  10. McGuire, Kittley & DeRuyter - Texas Tech Red Raiders

  11. Satterfield, Glenn, Fuqua & Veidt - Cincinnati Bearcats

  12. Malzahn, Harris, Roof & Williams - UCF Knights

  13. Klieman, Riley, Wells & Klanderman - Kansas State Wildcats 

  14. Dykes, Briles, Ricker & Avalos - TCU Horned Frogs

  15. Brown, Friend, Brown & Lesley - West Virginia Mountaineers

  16. Leipold, Grimes, Zebrowski, Borland & McDonald - Kansas Jayhawks

Big Ten

  1. Smith, Lindgren & Rossi - Michigan State Spartans

  2. Walters, Harrell & Kane - Purdue Boilermakers

  3. Rhule, Satterfield & White - Nebraska Cornhuskers

  4. Ferentz, Lester & Parker - Iowa Hawkeyes

  5. Moore, Campbell & Martindale - Michigan Wolverines

  6. Franklin, Kotelnicki & Allen - Penn State Nittany Lions

  7. Fisch, Carroll & Belichick - Washington Huskies

  8. Bielema, Lunney Jr. & Henry - Illinois Fighting Illini

  9. Cignetti, Shanahan & Haines - Indiana Hoosiers

  10. Braun, Lujan & McGarigle - Northwestern Wildcats

  11. Fickell, Longo, Tressel & Grinch - Wisconsin Badgers

  12. Fleck, Harbaugh Jr., Simon & Hetherman - Minnesota Golden Gophers

  13. Day, Kelly, Hartline & Knowles - Ohio State Buckeyes

  14. Schiano, Ciarrocca & Harasymiak - Rutgers Scarlet Knights

  15. Foster, Bieniemy, & Malloe - UCLA Bruins

  16. Riley, Henson, Lynn & Henderson - USC Trojans

  17. Lanning, Adams, Stein, Hampton & Lupoi - Oregon Ducks

  18. Locksley, Gattis, Sumlin, Abdul-Rahim & Williams - Maryland Terrapins

Conference USA

  1. Helton, Friend & Summers - Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

  2. Sanchez, Wright & Morris - New Mexico State Aggies

  3. Keeler, Cornelson & Cassity - Sam Houston State

  4. Rodriguez, Smith & Olsen - Jacksonville State Gamecocks

  5. MacIntyre, Yost & Dewitt - Florida International Panthers

  6. Mason, Reeder & Stewart - Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders

  7. Bohannon, Burks, Cook & Harris - Kennesaw State Owls

  8. Cumbie, Parr, Young & Johnson - Louisiana Tech Bulldogs

  9. Walden, Brown, Clark & Sigler - UTEP Miners

  10. Chadwell, Issac, Korn, Curtis & Magee – Liberty Flames

Independent

  1. Freeman, Denbrock & Golden - Notre Dame Fighting Irish

  2. Brown, Montgomery & Dudzinski - UMass Minutemen

  3. Mora, Charlton & Brock - UConn Huskies

MAC

  1. Hammock, Beschomer & Benedetto - Northern Illinois Huskies

  2. Martin, Welsh, & Brechin - Miami RedHawks

  3. Taylor, Bell & Bala - Western Michigan Broncos

  4. Lembo, Patenaude & Bowen - Buffalo Bulls

  5. Moorhead, Housewright & Tibesar - Akron Zips

  6. McElwain, McElwain & Akey - Central Michigan Chippewas

  7. Creighton, Piatkowski & Needham - Eastern Michigan Eagles

  8. Neu, Elliot, Lynch & Knowles - Ball State Cardinals

  9. Burns, Carney, Patterson & Duggan - Kent State Golden Flashes

  10. Albin, Isphording, Rudolph & Nowinsky - Ohio Bobcats

  11. Candle, Hallett, Weiner, Kehres & Watson - Toledo Rockets

  12. Loeffler, Nosal, Warner, Lawanson & Morrison - Bowling Green Falcons

Mountain West / Pac – 12

  1. Norvell, Mumme & Banks - Colorado State Rams

  2. Tedford, McCann & Coyle - Fresno State Bulldogs 

  3. Mendenhall, Beck & Howell - New Mexico Lobos

  4. Bray, Gunderson & Heyward - Oregon State Beavers

  5. Calhoun, Thiessen & Knorr - Air Force Falcons

  6. Dickert, Arbuckle & Schmedding - Washington State Cougars

  7. Sawvel, Johnson & Bohl - Wyoming Cowboys

  8. Chang, Chang & Thurman - Hawaiʻi Rainbow Warriors

  9. Lewis, Lewis & Schmidt - San Diego State Aztecs

  10. Niumatalolo, Stuzmann & Odum - San Jose State Spartans

  11. Odom, Marion & Scherer - UNLV Rebels

  12. Anderson, Cefalo & Dreiling - Utah State Aggies

  13. Danielson, Potter, Chinander & Stockton - Boise State Broncos

  14. Choate, Lubick, Lynch & Loane - Nevada Wolf Pack

SEC

  1. Drinkwitz, Moore & Batoon - Missouri Tigers

  2. Stoops, Hamdan & White - Kentucky Wildcats

  3. Beamer, Loggains & White - South Carolina Gamecocks

  4. Heupel, Halzle & Banks - Tennessee Volunteers

  5. Lea, Beck & Lea - Vanderbilt Commodores

  6. Elko, Klein, Wiggins & Bateman - Texas A&M Aggies

  7. Kelly, Sloan, Hankton & Baker - LSU Tigers

  8. Smart, Bobo, Schumann & Robinson - Georgia Bulldogs

  9. Lebby, Lebby, Barnes & Hutzler - Mississippi State Bulldogs

  10. Freeze, Nix, Durkin & Kelly - Auburn Tigers

  11. Pittman, Petrino, Williams & Woodson - Arkansas Razorbacks

  12. Napier, Sale, Armstrong & Roberts - Florida Gators

  13. Kiffin, Weis Jr., Brown & Golding - Ole Miss Rebels

  14. DeBoer, Sheridan, Wommack & Lingqust  - Alabama Crimson Tide

  15. Sarkisian, Flood, Kwiatkowski & Nansen - Texas Longhorns

  16. Venables, Finley, Littrel, Alley, Bates & Valai - Oklahoma Sooners

Sun Belt

  1. Helton, Ellis & Bailey - Georgia Southern Eagles

  2. Hall, Long & Bignell - Southern Miss Golden Eagles

  3. Clark, Ponce & Sloan - Appalachian State Mountaineers

  4. Vincent, Vincent & Hill - Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks

  5. Chesney, Kennedy & Hemphill - James Madison Dukes

  6. Jones, Heckendorf & Harley - Arkansas State Red Wolves

  7. Beck, Trickett & Naivar - Coastal Carolina Chanticleers

  8. McGee, Chaney & Sherrer - Georgia State Panthers

  9. Desormeaux, Leger & Salgado - Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns

  10. Rahne, Decker & Seiler - Old Dominion Monarchs

  11. Applewhite, Ezell & Windham - South Alabama Jaguars

  12. Huff, Doege, & Semore - Marshall Thundering Herd

  13. Parker, Reagan, Burton & Wright - Troy Trojans

  14. Kinne, Leftwich, McCoil & Peveto - Texas State Bobcats

Hope you enjoyed! Comment your favorite ones or argue with me in the comments or on Twitter/BlueSky/Instagram etc.