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The Big XII is now sponsored by Monster Energy drink. They just signed a 4-year contract too. You’ll see every single Big XII team with a Monster Energy patch on their jersey for football and men’s and women’s basketball for the next few years. Along with the school’s other jersey patch sponsorships. Basically just think that the Big XII conference logo is now the Monster Energy logo.

The Big 12 announced landmark deal with Monster Energy worth about $20M annually. The deal includes jersey patches, field/court logos, and "entitlement partner" for football, men’s and women’s basketball.

Sure, you can complain that it is not enough money or it’s a crazy deal, or college sports is ruined forever, but I am here to say something different. This doesn’t feel like the Big XII’s energy drink. It feels like another conference’s energy drink. Also, I figured I’d do it for all the FBS conferences too.

As always, this is a silly opinion thing, and it doesn’t really matter, but I know you will argue about it because that is what the College Football internet does.

This seems simple enough. The Classic energy drink was one of the first to ever hit the market and the Big Ten was one of the first conferences. It tasted like medicine, and the first thing we thought to do with it as bartenders was to add vodka or Jägermeister to it. Also, they have new flavors too, so think of that as the West Coast expansion of the Big Ten.

No offense, Big XII, this feels like the natural home for Monster Energy. The distribution of Monster Energy is with Coca-Cola, which is based in Atlanta, Georgia, which is the home of the SEC Championship game. This feels like the natural rival and conference that challenges the Red Bull Big Ten.

This energy drink had its run from 2001 to 2016, which goes along with the crazy high-scoring offenses of the Big XII. In 2020, it was the third highest share of market share behind Monster and Red Bull. It was then bought by Pepsi, which then flipped it to Celsius Holdings in 2025. Rockstar’s sponsorships were everywhere with motor sports, extreme sports and concerts. This one makes sense, the energy drink just behind the Big Ten and SEC.

This one is my preferred energy drink at the moment. This feels ACC as hell, though. You have the normal flavors of this brand, which are just sparkling fruit flavors. Then you have the weird combinations of flavors with their VIBE flavors, which matches their mismatched ALL COASTS CONFERENCE/COASTAL CHAOS VIBE of a conference. Sparkling Mandarin Orange with Marshmallow? Yeah, that makes sense. Sure, ACC, you can have a team not win the conference but make the National Championship game, and the team that actually won the conference was a team with five losses. All with zero calories too! Go ACC!

The Kings of Mid-Week Football. It’s a new drink from Monster Energy, and yeah, you might sometimes need this for a midweek game without many folks in the stands. As one MAC player told us for those games, “You gotta bring your own juice,” and this one is marketed as TOTAL BODY FUEL!!!

Also with Sacramento State adding the conference and their NBA team is the Sacramento Kings. REIGN ON MACTION.

This is just me pulling from my time at ULM, so sorry to lump the rest of the conference in here, but I think it fits as a whole. First, it’s got a damn deer as a logo. When hunting season opened, ULM’s campus was a ghost town since everyone went deer hunting. I feel like most of the teams in this conference all have camo hats available in their campus store. Also, if you buy more than $75 in drinks, you get a free t-shirt with the logo and a flag on the sleeve. This feels Sun Belt as hell to me, and all the gas stations in this conference have this on sale for a 2 for $3 deal in those giant ice bins next to the tall boys.

Hi, I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and this is my energy drink, and it has some Hawai’i imagery to give you all the energy you need for the late-night Hawai'i Test or to climb 7,228 feet to go play Wyoming. ZOA means “animals” and “organisms” of the kind specified by the initial element PROTOZOA. What do most organisms need to live on Earth? That’s right, the Sun (Bowl). Drink this and you will Fargo, wait sorry.. go far.

This is perfect for the conference that’s just looking for a little boost to be considered one of the Power Conferences. It’s also apt for the American Conference when they find themselves boosted up just enough to sneak into the Cotton Bowl, College Football Playoff, or Top 25. They hit the NOS like when Tulane came back to beat USC in the Cotton Bowl. They’re incredibly high-flying at times, like North Texas’ offense, or super speedy, like Memphis, UTSA, or USF. Not only that, but they’re full of teams who can manage the NOS and use a little overtime, like Army and Navy. Also, what happens when an NOS tank goes wrong? It could leave you like Charlotte or UAB last year.

What FBS conference is seemingly on edge the most and has added and lost the most teams recently? What seems unstable and likely to detonate in the near future just like C4? Just kidding, CUSA. However, it feels like this is just a natural fit since things have been up in the air for this conference recently. Hopefully the conference realignment bomb diffusers come in soon enough. 

I don’t want to be mean, but it is not the Pac-12 we have loved for the longest time. This is a new Pac-12 and a Ghost of the former conference. I still love this conference and everyone in it. Maybe it will be re-inhabited and return to its original shape one day. It has some of its parts in Washington State and Oregon State. It’s mainly based in states the conference was in before, California, Colorado, and Utah, with some new states. Also, the internet says this one is popular with gamers, and who doesn’t love to play EA CFB on the blue turf???

What’s cooler and trendier than being an FBS Independent these days? That’s right, Notre Dame and UConn are the lifestyle influencers who will not be put into a box of a conference in football. When you think of trendsetting, you think of South Bend, Indiana, and Storrs, Connecticut. Also, this one is owned by Celsius Holdings, which we noted was the ACC. That’s right, Notre Dame still has a connection to the ACC here. You thought you were free Notre Dame? You can’t escape the ACC.

We call great games in the Big Sky Conference - Big Sky Bangers. This fits on name alone and no other explanation is needed.