The Way Too Early Sickos Top 30

The season is just about over, and you may look around “conventional media outlets” and see that they’ve already started posting rankings for next season. Yes, before the spring semesters even begin. That may seem like ridiculous engagement farming to try and predict what’s going to happen in the fall several months before spring practices start, which it is, but as a group that is open about our willingness to sell out any goodwill we have instantly (seriously, call us.), we’re not about to let that opportunity pass us by.

We’ve used advanced algorithms, expert opinions, and a stolen computer that used to be used to calculate the BCS rankings to calculate the Sickos Committee “Way Too Early” Top 30 for January 13th, 2025.

For those just stumbling across this, an explanation on what “metrics” make up the Sickos Committee Rankings can be found here: The Sickos Committee National Championship.

Our resident Canadian Joey decided to try his typing at writing why these teams, mascots, players, divisions, things wound up ranked here.

#1 Florida State

The Seminoles have a lot of questions around their program. Not necessarily in terms of on-field performance, but definitely in the Sickos Rankings. If they go with another 2-10 season? Hilarious, but does the same joke told twice get twice the laughter? If they somehow rip off another 13-0 season? Well that just makes 2024 funnier, but does that reflect in the 2025 votes? No matter what, they start 2025 with Champions advantage, and we all wait with bated breath to once again Talk About The ‘Noles.

#2 Iowa

The Dynasty was dethroned, but it would still be silly to have them anywhere but here. About three years of poll inertia meant even a non-sickos year by most metrics only took them from 1st to 2nd in the year end rankings. Anything Iowa does next year had the chance to put them back in the #1 spot and burrow there.

#3 Vanderbilt

Mr. Waiver win Diego Pavia’s boys have a very tough schedule next year, with the return trips to Alabama, Virginia Tech, Texas and Tennessee on the schedule, putting the streak on the line against Hugh Freeze, and also a tough home matchup against a team they’ve never beat in their entire history, Georgia State. A lot of good feelings from last year are on the line, will the dream be ruined? Or will Vandy be Turnt once again?

#4 Kent State

The Flashes finished last season as the only winless FBS team. They start 2025 against Yankee Conference runners up Merrimack, then embark on their annual Ride To Hell Tour. At Texas Tech, At Florida State, At Oklahoma. All in a row! Doesn’t help that the annual Wagon Wheel game is also on the road. Toledo is also a road game. Oh God.

#5 ULM

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#6 California

Jadyn Ott is Ott To Go (oh wait he’s not hitting the portal) Back to Cal. They’re getting a new five star quarterback from the portal, and without that inexplicable-in-hindsight loss to Florida State would have had a nice season. Can the #Calgorithm get the Cal Bears to the top spot next season?

#7 Michigan

The CFP National Champs of 2023 had maybe the best “hangover” season of all time. Still beat Ohio State, beat Alabama in the bowl game, got the #1 recruit, and have a very manageable schedule in 2025. They are primed for a bounce back season on the field, but if they don’t? They might find themselves back here.

#8 Syracuse

The “Safe” “Reliable” Honda McCord, the NCAA leading passer and 2024 DETMER Winner has declared for the NFL Draft and withdrew his waiver for a 5th season. Without him, the Orange will have a series of tough opponents they’ll welcome into the oversized box lacrosse arena they play in.

#9 Georgia Tech

A good season where they almost pulled off a season-changing upset over their in-state rivals, the dynamic duo known as Jamal Haynes King will be returning. Brent Key and Kirby Smart might have another very cute moment together and that will be nice.

#10 Army

The Troops have some hype behind them, but Bryson Daily has graduated, and they’ll need to find another all-world athlete to run the ball a million times and pass around two to five times a game. They also just had RB Kanye Udoh transfer from West Point to Arizona State, which is enough cultural whiplash that Udoh should start next season in concussion protocol.

Well, all of these choices seem pretty reasonable so far right???

#11 The ReliaQuest Bowl

This may be a surprise, but the Sickos Committee Metrics read that the Pop Tarts Bowl, Mayo Bowl and Cheez-It Bowl will become too mainstream and the new hotness will be walking up to your local ReliaQuest store (dealer? outlet? do they even have one of those?) and filming yourself trying to order a Blooming Onion or Coconut Shrimp. It will be all the rage on TikTok.

#12 General Booty

General Booty, the former Tyler JC, Oklahoma and ULM quarterback is entering the transfer portal for a third time. Which means a fourth fanbase will get to say “wait is that his actual name?” Bonus poll points if he balls out.

#13 Joey Logano

If you don’t like NASCAR, you may find it funny that the defending champion is a smiling 34 year old from Connecticut named Joey. If you do like NASCAR, please clean the spit off the screen that you instinctively shot at seeing Joey Logano’s name. Even-Year Joey Logano rode the controversial NASCAR Playoffs system to win at exactly the right time to become a 3-time Champion while only 15th by traditional points. Most NASCAR fans are rooting on his downfall, which will make it only funnier if he starts winning again in 2025.

#14 Furman

The F.U. Paladins had quite a down year, dropping to 3-8 after a SoCon Championship and back-to-back playoff berths. A bounce back season for Furman will also involve going to Clemson and trying to Do The Funniest Thing.

#15 Sparky the Sun Devil

You probably thought this was Arizona State and we considered them, however we ranked the mascot Sparky only. That clip of him putting his hands on Wilbur Wildcat pops back up every Territorial Cup, and the most Romance Novel Cover mascot in the FBS always pops up in the news throughout the season, ending up on the poll at some point throughout the season is a safe bet.

#16 Bill Belichick

The old NFL diehard with a lot of thoughts about Roster Construction now has a lot more roster spaces to play with. One of the most no-nonsense downplayed NFL coaches slamming right into what might be the goofiest time in college football history. Worth noting that the ACC has ties with the Pop Tarts Bowl and the Mayo Bowl next season. However, will he even make the season? His buyout drops on July 1st, about two months before the season starts.

#17 Edmonton Elks

CFL time! The Edmonton Elks were previously community owned, similar to the Green Bay Packers, until midway through last season, when all the local shares were bought out by one of those local shareholders, Larry Thompson. The Elks have had a rough couple of years, but they ended the season on CFL Sicko Nirvana. A Walk-Off Rouge Punt!!!! (we linked the video for you of course)

#18 Joe Vandal

Nothing else needs to be said really.

#19 Paul Finebaum

PAWL AIN'T PLAYED NOBODY PAWL!!!

#20 Cornell

The Ivy League is ending their long-standing boycott of post-season football, which means Cornell (who play Albany, Colgate and Bucknell in addition to their Ivy League schedule) will have a chance to pick up their first National Championship since 1939. Exciting times for the Big Red.

#21 Ithaca

The Liberty League Dynasty has ended, so the Ithaca Bombers will look to try to make their way back to the Division III playoffs after their quest for a three-peat in the conference was ended by Hobart.

#22 The Manningcast

Peyton and Eli continue to make some absolutely terrible Monday Night Football games into meme magic. Especially if the Colts, Broncos or Giants are involved.

#23 Sun Belt East

As we entered the era of mega-conferences and confusing and convoluted tiebreakers, the Sun Belt had held out, and now is maybe the smart conference by holding onto the division format. GSU, Marshall, JMU, ODU, Coastal, App State and GSU are always good for an iconic moment from each of them

#24 Kutztown

The PSAC Champions and Sickos Committee favourites (see told you it was our Canadian writing this) will be looking to run in back in 2025. Kutztown University (or “The Real KU” as the kids are calling them) are always a top Division II team in the Sickos rankings thanks to the heavy Sheetz metric in the computers.

#25 Harvard

Copy what is under the Cornell heading, but in football pants that look like khakis and also a chance for a round one match where the entire South Dakota State student section screams “NERDS” in unison.

#26 AS Roma

Not to be confused with the St. Catharine’s Roma Wolves of League1 Ontario Premier, this is actually about the Italian club in Serie A, who are tumbling down the table. They are on-pace to finish higher in their Europa League table than their Serie A table. Roma has a more likely road down from here than up, with two more games played to this point than the teams they desperately want to catch, like Bologna, AC Milan and Inter Milan.

#27 Southeastern Conference

Hypothetically, the SEC should have had 17 teams in the playoff in my opinion.

#28 Sonny Cumbie

Here is the entirety of Sonny Cumbie’s Louisiana Tech tenure according to his Wikipedia page. “On November 30, 2021, Cumbie was named the 34th head coach at Louisiana Tech University.” They went to the Independence Bowl as a 5-7 team? Why is that not there? What are they hiding from us in Ruston?

#29 NFC West

Every year there is an NFL Division that sends a winner to the playoffs that is vastly overmatched, and causes Discourse about the playoff format (NFC South, AFC South, NFC West etc.). The division with the Rams, Seahawks, Cardinals and 49ers seems like as good of a bet as any for next year. All of these teams are mostly comfortable with their QB situation, but are one setback at that position away from tanking.

#30 Tulsa

The Golden Hurricane are coming off of a disappointing season, and will bring in new head coach Tre Lamb. I wonder what the computer sees in this team to put them on the list. Let me check the algorithm. Damn it Gus T! Get out of the way!

As a final note, we wanted to give you the chance to Create Your Own Sickos Committee Top 30! You, the voters, submitted 1,112 unique vote getters into final the poll.

The Commish has created a picker wheel with all ONE THOUSAND AND TWELVE ENTRIES so you can Choose your Sickos Way to Early Top 30 too!

Click the Wheel and Get your Sickos Top 30!