The Sickos Synopsis - Week 4 featuring Syracuse, Auburn, ULM, Middle Tennessee and Kansas State.

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided Sickos games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Here are the headlines for Week 4.

Sept. 23rd. - Syracuse, NY

The Virginia Cavaliers came to the convex cavern formerly known as the Carrier Dome to take on the surprising Syracuse Orange. Dino Babers’ boys busted out the gates and took a 16-0 lead into halftime. The Cavaliers couldn’t care less about the halftime deficit and dusted themselves off and dashed into the end-zone on their first two opportunities in the second half, cutting the Cuse lead down to 16-13. Syracuse’s kicker continued to convert kicks, crushing them through the upward uprights and cashed them in to keep Cuse ahead 19-13. However, Syracuse tortured themselves turning the ball over four times in total. Virginia valiantly battled back and bounded into the end-zone converting clutch drive and the extra point claiming a close 20-19 lead. Syracuse summoned the strength to slide down the artificial sod and slipped their fifth field goal through for a tiny two point advantage. The Cavaliers had one last chance but they couldn’t convert a final fourth down. So at 4-0, the quizzical question continues to chase Cuse, is Syracuse superior? 

Syracuse 22 - Virginia 20

Sept. 24th - Auburn, AL

The Missouri Tigers mapped and made their way to the plains of Auburn, Alabama to tussle with the Auburn Tigers. Auburn’s aggressive audacity announced an early advantage on the scoreboard taking the Tigers to a 14-0 lead in the first frame of the tangle between the Tigers. The second session saw Mizzou matriculate the ball masterfully, matching the Auburn advantage and twisting the scoreboard with two touchdowns tying the game at 14-14 at halftime. After halftime, the two Tiger offenses tripped and tumbled over themselves and couldn’t turn up any type of offensive output. Punt after punt after punt after punt pounded the playing surface for twelve straight possessions in the sultry second half. Mizzou mounted a final foray to find themselves a kick away from clinching the contest with a few clicks left on the clock. The kick closely coasted wide right and a jubilant Jordan Hare joyously went off to overtime. In overtime, the Auburn kicker hooked a kick wide left but a Mizzou mistake allowed a re-kick due to an offside offense. The Tigers converted the serendipitous second chance to lead 17-14. Mizzou found themselves with a chance to capture the win again. A winding run by the running back weaved in and out of Auburn would be tacklers and for a split second it seemed like Mizzou was going to gallop away with the win. But as the running back reached out the oblong object trying to push it past the pylon the ball shifted ever so slightly out of his hands and bounded into the end zone where the plucky pumas of the plains pounced on the pill and put away the penultimate prospects of the Tigers of Missouri. 

Auburn 17 - Missouri 14. 

Sept. 24th - Monroe, LA

The Ragin’ Cajuns from lower Louisiana legged their way up to North Louisiana and into Malone Stadium to face their in-state conspicuous counterpart the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks. The Cajuns coming off their first defeat in over fifteen gridiron clashes looked to regain and reorganize their winning ways against the Warhawks. The Cajuns counted on their quarterback and cascaded down the field to open the scoring 7-0. The Warhawks would immediately answer back with a scintillating seventy-five yard streaking run straight up the defense and tying the score 7-7. The Cajuns continued to contain the Warhawks and countered, capturing the lead 17-7 at halftime. The Battle on the Bayou began to become bleak for the woeful Warhawks and they couldn’t capitalize on the Cajun cross ups. In the final frame the ULM defense denied a Cajuns drive and forced a punt. The Cajuns long snapper launched the ball over the head of the punter and the Warhawks found new life at the Cajuns eight yard line. The Warhawks willed their way into the end-zone closing the Cajuns lead down to 17-14. The Cajuns couldn’t convert on their next offensive opportunity but pinned the Warhawks deep with a perfect punt placing them at their own 10 yard line. The Warhawks QB wound up and threw a perfectly placed pass on a close crossing route and led the receiver running and racing rapidly down the sidelines for 89 yards but the Cajuns tripped him up tantalizingly close to the touchdown at the 1 yard line. ULM urgently ushered the football into the end-zone taking a 21-17 lead a few plays later. Terry Bowden’s boys bowed up and corralled the Cajuns QB one final time and the clock counted down to zero.

ULM 21 - Ragin’ Cajuns 17

Sept. 24th - Miami Gardens, FL.

Rick Stockstill’s Blue Raiders blew into Hard Rock Stadium to face the Miami Hurricanes. Middle Tennessee immediately intercepted the first two passes from the Miami QB and took the second one down the sideline into the end-zone taking a 10-0 lead. The Canes countered with the field goal to cut the lead down to 10-3. After this score, Middle Tennessee masterfully mounted an aerial attack against the haggard Hurricane’s secondary by throwing a sizzling seventy-one yard touchdown pass. The Blue Raiders refused to relent for the remainder of the contest, continuously keeping a fourteen point cushion. The Blue Raiders threw two more tantalizing touchdown passes from 69 and 98 yards constantly catching the Canes in a conundrum as they tried to claw and catch-up on the scoreboard but they just couldn’t. Middle Tennessee terrifically triumphed and threw a confounding curve-ball into the Canes season. 

MTSU 45 - Miami 31

Sept. 24th - Norman, OK

The Kansas State Wildcats licking their wounds after a woeful loss against the Tulane Green Wave last week found themselves heading to face the 6th Ranked Sooners in Norman, Oklahoma. Kansas State shot out of the start like a Wildcat whirlwind scoring two touchdowns in the first quarter leading 14-0. The shaken Sooners stood up and swung back, tying the tussle back up at 14-14. The Wildcats wound back up and willed their way to a 24-17 halftime lead. The contest continued to tighten and seemingly the Sooners would slowly slink their way back into the game down only seven points. Lining up at the Kansas State 41 the Wildcats faced a daunting down and distance of 3rd and 16 with 2:39 left on the game clock. Adrian Martinez brought his wily Wildcats to the line with a dwindling clock late in the fourth quarter. The Sooners of Oklahoma seeking a chance to get the ball back down seven ravenously rallied readied responders to get a defensive stop and force the Wildcats to punt back to the waiting Sooner offense. Martinez, creatively dubbed “9AM” by the Wildcat faithful calmly called the contest’s closing seeking a crack in the Sooner defense. Initially, the play seemed lost, but “9AM” saw a sliver of daylight in the run stopping efforts of the Sooners and immediately scampered speedily, specifically Southbound staggering stupendously to the Sooner Five! Two plays Adrian adamantly advanced astonishingly into the end-zone, for his fourth rushing Touchdown sealing the game for the progeny of the Purple People positively proudly posturing in front of the stunned home crowd. This stunning development decidedly ended the Sooners’ hope for a comeback and sent the Sooner State Fans into the weekend to contemplate their newly earned tick in the Loss column. 

Kansas State 41 - Oklahoma 34.