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Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old-school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Also, we go really heavy on the alliteration.

How do we decide which games we do? Well, if you are declared the Sickos Committee Game of the Week, you get one automatically no matter what happens. However, the others are randomly decided by the committee writing staff; it could be the normal headliner game of the week or some random FCS game we got drawn in by and just wanted to write about because we found it compelling. We typically do about three to six games a week.

Here are the Headlines for Week 6

October 4, 2025 - Boone, NC

The beleaguered Beavers bounded to Boone, North Carolina, looking wistfully for their first win of the season. Awaiting the Beavs were the App State Mountaineers, who were 2-2 but were plagued with turnover troubles in their first four forays of the football season. Oregon State had the opportunity to erase the 0-fer from their win column and hoped the Mountaineers obliged. Well, App State had other ideas and bounded down the field for a field goal. Then the Beavs bumbled the ensuing kickoff, giving the Mountaineers the moleskin in the magnificent municipality of the end zone. App State advanced the oblong oval for a 10-0 lead. The Beavs were bamboozled by the App State attackers, who found another touchdown to advance their superiority on the scoreboard to seventeen after the first section of the game. Oregon State oriented themselves in the second section and sliced and diced the Mountaineer margin down to three before halftime to make it 17-14. The two teams traded scores in the third frame of the game, and the App State advantage grew to six, 27-21. The fourth and final frame found a fight fraught with follies, but optimistic Oregon State continued to climb and crawl towards the end zone, looking for the timely touchdown to take the lead. The Beavs bounded down the field, finding a 3rd and goal on the Mountaineers 6. The Beavs QB tossed a hopeful heave to the corner of the end zone, but the Mountaineers men marched in front to gain an interception. App State had to punt the pill back to the Beavs. Oregon State, looking opportunistic, took a trip down the turf to the goal line. The mighty Mountaineers muscled up and beat the Beavs back on four straight downs, maintaining their minuscule margin, and took over on their one-yard line, trying to close out the contest with less than two minutes left on the clock. The Beavs defense dove into the Mountaineers running back and popped out the pill. The ball bounced backwards into the end zone, and the oblong oval lay in the end zone, but before the Beavs could capture the tying touchdown, the Mountaineers QB flung forward flatly onto the floundering football and surrendered a safety with one minute and forty seconds left in the crazed contest. Oregon State was still alive and got the safety kick settled at their own 43-yard line, still in need of a touchdown that had been teasing and tantalizing the battered Beavs. Maalik Murphy muscled and matriculated the moleskin down inside the Mountaineer twenty-five with 39 ticks remaining. Then a Murphy pass was completed but met by a Mountaineer man flying through the Kidd-Brewer shadows like Superman, striking the Beavers receiver’s shoulder, separating the sphere from the gloved grasp, and sending the ball airborne into the awaiting mitts of a fellow Mountaineer for a game-ending turnover. The Beavs were bested yet again, and the Mountaineer masses were filled with merriment after the masterful defensive deterrence.

APP STATE 27 - OREGON STATE 23

October 4, 2025 - Houston, TX

Houston is no stranger to football. For many years the Houston Oilers were a major draw to the city and supporter of the athletics at the University of Houston, better known as the Cougars. One apocryphal tale says that the Oilers gave the Cougars practice equipment. To honor that material support, the menacing Cougars wore a Columbia blue uniform. Their opponent today was a fellow undefeated team and rival, the Red Raiders of Texas Tech University. The much-ballyhooed game was set to be a behemoth match that belied the bigger names across the Republic facing off to battle. However, the game itself was as thorough a thrashing as a contest in Texas could be. From the start of the game to the finish, the Red Raiders ran roughshod and ravaged the Cougar defense to the tune of 35 points. At one point the visitors had a lead of 25 to 3. After a successful touchdown and two-point conversion from Houston, their score of 11 was it for the night. The Red Raiders got two more scores, a touchdown and a field goal, to put the game out of reach.

TEXAS TECH 35 - HOUSTON 11

October 4, 2025 - Muncie, IN

The Mid-American Conference (MAC) has a contingent of teams that battle in the heartland every season. This year the Ohio University Bobcats and Ball State University Cardinals gathered to continue their ongoing feud to determine the best teams in the American Breadbasket. The game started off with a missed field goal from the Bobcats, but the home team did not press this advantage in any way. The scoring began when the visitors got a touchdown. From that point, the teams traded punts, one after another putting their offensive performance on pause while the special teams units got the spotlight. After the punting artillery ended, the Bobcats got back on the board with another touchdown. From there, it was all Cardinals. The Cards got their own touchdown late in the third quarter. From there the Bobcats gave the ball back after a turnover on downs. The Men from Muncie turn that into a field goal. More punting ensued; the teams dropped punts into the opposing teams’ side of the field four times, but in the midst of the booming, the Cardinals pinned the Bobcats at the 1! From there, the Cardinals secure a safety, but the two teams trade a final pair of punts. From there, the Ball State boys battle, bruise, and bash their way into the end zone and secure the two-point conversion. In their furious attempt to win the game, the Bobcats race down the field in their two-minute drill, but the clock runs out with Ohio 30 yards from the end zone, securing the win for the Cardinals as their fans chant “Chirp Chirp!”

BALL STATE 20 - OHIO UNIVERSITY 14

October 4, 2025 - Pasadena, CA

For over a century, teams have battled for the right to play in the Rose Bowl Stadium. Since 1982, the UCLA Bruins have played their home games within the confines of this legendary locale. This week the Bruins welcomed the Penn State Nittany Lions. The teams engaged in a barn burner of a game that spanned offensive fireworks, defensive lapses, and disastrous turnovers. From the start the Bruins raced out to a 10-point lead that they never let go of, even when that grip seemed tenuous. The Nittany Lions finally get on the board with a touchdown of their own at the end of the first quarter. From there, the UCLA offense got going and scored 17 unanswered points, with a field goal at the end of the first half. To start the third quarter, Penn State gets another touchdown, but disaster strikes as the UCLA kicker has a kick blocked, and that is returned for a touchdown, giving life back to the visitors. But that was short-lived, as the men from Los Angeles get back over the goal line. This begins a sequence of six straight drives between the teams ending in touchdowns. At the end of the flurry, the score has the home team up 42 to 28. This would end the scoring of the Bruins. However, the Penn State team gets another touchdown and immediately stops the following drive from the Bruins on downs. From there, the Nittany Lions get down to 4^th and goal and are stopped by the Bruins. But then, the defense of the Nittany Lions determined, decided, and devastated the UCLA offense by securing a safety! But after the free kick, disaster comes for the Penn State offense as they fumble the ball and the game away, giving UCLA their first win of the season. 

UCLA 42 - PENN STATE – 37 

October 4, 2025 - College Park, MD

The strong September Shell Squad served as host to the Huskies in a cross-country conference clash. Maryland’s mighty men moved masterfully and manufactured a comfy cushion, tallying ten points in the first quarter before tacking on another three to complete the half, while leaving Washington to wonder what went wrong. The second semester started strong. A short pass to AJ Szymanski swelled the score to a seemingly safe 20-0. The Huskies desperately drove downfield, spending seven and a half minutes and sixteen plays before settling for a simple field goal and finally finding the scoreboard at 20-3. Maryland's menacing machine mysteriously malfunctioned, managing minimal movement and mustering miserable threes-and-out while Washington worked their wizardry. The Huskies cruised down the field, crossed the end zone three times, and thrust the team ahead 24-20. Maryland managed to mount a momentous march but met misfortune when the Terrapins threw four consecutive incompletions, dooming the team to a devastating defeat. The comeback carries Washington to 4-1, while Maryland mourns their maiden loss and is now also 4-1.

WASHINGTON 24 - MARYLAND 20

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