Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old-school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Also, we go really heavy on the alliteration.

How do we decide which games we do? Well, if you are declared the Sickos Committee Game of the Week, you get one automatically no matter what happens. However, the others are randomly decided by the committee writing staff; it could be the normal headliner game of the week or some random FCS game we got drawn in by and just wanted to write about because we found it compelling. We typically do about three to six games a week.

September 26th, 2026 - Logan, UT

The Troy Trojans trekked from Alabama all the way across the country to take on their former conference mate Utah State. The Trojans tip-toed into lovely Logan with a 2-1 record. While the Aggies attention was on, willing their way to their first W on the season for Homecoming. Bronco’s Boys burst from the gate on the first drive with a 57 yard bomb from Brosterhous to take a 7-0 lead on their very first play. The Trojans turn saw them traipse down the turf for an 11 play 75 yard drive tying the tango at 7-7 as Goose let fly a 13 yard TD toss. The two teams then took turns turning the pointy pineapple over to each other in a myriad of methods. The Trojans turned over on downs, the Aggies aerial assault was intercepted, then they both took turns punting the peanut back and forth. The Trojans did tack on a field goal for a 10-7 halftime lead. The Utah State fans were feeling uneasy at the half but Bronco’s Boys got the crowd a dose of Pepto with a touchdown right out of the halftime break and a 14-10 lead. The Trojans turned to their signal caller Goose to gun for more ticks on the scoreboard to no avail. The Aggies' ascendancy was augmented with an additional touchdown in the form of a 6 yard run by Javen Jacobs. Troy tried to toe their way back into the trial but two errant field goals found themselves still down 21-10. The Aggies then coughed up the pill and the Trojans pounced on the pigskin. Goose tried to gather the Troy troops to take them downfield. Goose took a gander deep and fired the football but Goose’s gun was offline and aimed for an Aggie who intercepted the pass, putting away the Trojans for good. The hollers from the Homecoming goers could be heard all the way to the Great Salt Lake as Bronco, Brosterhous and the Aggie assemblage walked away winners. 

September 26, 2026 University Park, PA

Penn State University and the University of Wisconsin prepared to wage a precarious and wily game of football that started with single field goal from the Nittany Lions. The teams’ defenses stood tall and slammed the door shut on one another for the duration of the first half. The exclamation point of the first half was a pick six that the home team cashed in as their second score of the afternoon. The Badgers’ turnover woes continued as they threw another interception that Penn State pilfered and profited from with a touchdown on the subsequent drive. But the Badgers braved, bashed, and bent the Penn State defense and finally got on the board before the end of the first half with their first touchdown. After the teams returned to the field the offensive fireworks continued and lit up the scoreboard. Wisconsin put a field goal up and the Lions did the same keeping the margin at just ten points. This would prove to be the end of the scoring for the home team as Wisconsin marched down the field again to score a touchdown on a short pass to put them within striking distance. The teams traded punts until the Wisconsin offense — maligned, mistreated, and mauled — sent a tight end streaking down the middle of the field for a 72-yard touchdown scamper that put the visitors on top to end the game.

September 26, 2026 Chestnut Hill, MA

Today, the Hokies of Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (VA Tech) and the Boston College Eagles assaulted and assailed one another on the gridiron, stepping onto the field to hash out their disagreements on which fowl was the best. The game began and ended as a defensive slog in the middle of a dreaded Nor’easter, a storm of fierce and unrelenting precipitation that pervaded the game, players, and participants in the stands. The game started with 10 punts between both teams and each turning the ball over on downs before Virginia Tech valiantly vaulted a field goal from 45 yards out. After the half the rain intensified and so did the offenses. The Hokies got another field goal but gave the lead away as the Eagles soared into the end zone for their first score. After a fumble by the Hokie eleven, the BC offense punted. The eager Eagles defense stopped the Hokies, and the offense took the ball the length of the field to put another touchdown on the board. That was the end of the Eagles onslaught as the Hokies had it from there. The hard-fought game then turned into a harrowing show of force from the Blacksburg denizens, tousling with the rain-drenched Eagles to score two touchdowns to give them a lead they would maintain until the end. After the Hokies forced the final punt of the day, the Hokies kneeled out the win as the stadium lost power amid the powerful storm.

September 26, 2026 Jackson, MS

Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) have deemed certain rivalry games “The Classics” , an ever-growing list of games of great import and relevance. Southern University and A&M College play Jackson State University in “The BoomBox Classic,” a name paying homage to the bombastic marching bands of the two institutions. Amidst this battle of the bands was a football game wherein the Tigers of Jackson State bared their claws and scored first on a long touchdown drive. The Southern Jaguars swiped back with a field goal of their own. But in this combat of colossal cats, scoring is a must, and the men from Jackson put the ball over the goal line three more times before the half: an explosive 70-yard throw, a field-spanning 95-yard drive, and a one-yard leap. The Jaguars scored right before the half ended with a touchdown but missed the extra point. At the half, the Southern University Human Jukebox Marching band took the field, transforming the field into the veritable jukebox. The Jackson State Sonic Boom of the South lauded the assembled with supersonic sound that shook the stadium and surrounding environs. Beyond the battle of the bands, the Tigers continued to hunt. Jackson State put another touchdown on the board late into the game to seal it away, but not before the New Orleans Agriculturals put their final touchdown and two-point conversion on the board.

Hawkeyes Hammer Home Heartbreaking, Hair-Raising Final-Second Heist 

Ann Arbor, Michigan

The intrepid Iowans ambled up to Ann Arbor to inaugurate their intra-conference schedule against the mighty Michigan men. In a classic Big Ten fashion, the day’s proceedings was peppered with punts, including three to start before the scoring shenanigans started up. Michigan then mounted a magnificent, methodical march down the field, marrying precision passing with punishing power to propel Bryce Underwood and company 89 yards in just nine plays. Underwood uncorked an 18-yard touchdown toss to JJ Buchanan to light up the scoreboard with a 7-0 lead. The merriment was quickly muted when Braeden Jackson blazed back the ensuing kickoff for a 99-yard, game tying touchdown. From there, field position and physical, fierce defense dictated the day’s direction. Iowa’s punishing pass rush pressured Underwood, while Michigan’s determined defense split the Iowa blockers and stuffed the quarterback Hank Brown for a couple of sacks. Trey Butkowski’s toe took the Wolverines back on top. His 41-yard field goal early in the second quarter carried the Maize and Blue crew through the rest of the half up 10-7.

The third quarter brought more of the same suffocating stalemate. Michigan’s defense kept Iowa’s offense incapacitated while Butkowski’s boot struck gold again, drilling a 22-yard field goal to stretch the home team’s lead 13-7. Then came the frantic, ferocious, final frame. Hank Brown finally found his footing, orchestrating a crisp seven-play, 75-yard drive that culminated in a 16-yard pass to Reece Vander Zee, vaulting Iowa to their first lead 14-13. Michigan mustered a marvelous response. Underwood slung a spectacular 49-yard scoring strike to Buchanan, restoring the Wolverines’ lead 19-14 with little time remaining. Iowa had a chance to save their sinking ship, but a heartbreaking missed field goal had the Hawkeyes feeling their hopes were dashed. Michigan had the lead, and the ball, with 2 and a half minutes remaining in the game. A quick three-and-out gave Iowa one last chance for some last-minute heroics. 1:37 left on the clock and the Hawkeye hopefuls had harried hearts. Starting at their own 9-yard line, Iowa managed to make it all the way down to the Michigan 16 but only 2 seconds remained on the clock with no timeouts when a miracle manifested for the visiting squad. Michigan’s John Henry Daley went down with an injury, giving the Hawkeyes a free timeout. This pause in play was just enough for the Ferentz force to focus and find the endzone as time expired to come out on top and improve to 4-0.

Thanks for reading, I normally read the Sickos Committee game of the Week in my Sick O’Malley old timey voice on our weekly recap pod but now I am reading all of these on our patreon. Join for just $3 per month — it’s cheaper than a gallon of gas! Also, $5 per month and up and you can join the discord to chat with the Committee.

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