Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old-school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Also, we go really heavy on the alliteration.

How do we decide which games we do? Well, if you are declared the Sickos Committee Game of the Week, you get one automatically no matter what happens. However, the others are randomly decided by the committee writing staff; it could be the normal headliner game of the week or some random FCS game we got drawn in by and just wanted to write about because we found it compelling. We typically do about three to six games a week.

Here are the Headlines for Week 4

September 20, 2025 - El Paso, TX

The marauders from Monroe, Louisiana, boarded their P-40 Warhawk planes and pointed towards The Pass, otherwise known as El Paso, Texas. The mighty Miners of UTEP looked to unearth a win from the Sun Bowl soil over their Sun Belt Conference foe. The battle began with a winding Warhawk ground attack unexpectedly catching UTEP unquestionably off guard and notching seven on the scoreboard. UTEP unleashed a 73-yard bomb seventeen seconds later, tying the tussle at seven apiece. Unfettered by UTEP’s quick strike, the wily Warhawks won another touchdown in two plays, making the contest 14-7. ULM unilaterally muzzled the Miners offensive attack for the rest of the half and tacked on ten more precious points, pushing their halftime advantage to 24-7. ULM opened the second half with another touchdown, taking their lead to twenty-four points, 31-7. Unnerved by the deficit, UTEP unveiled an uninhibited unit and methodically mounted a Miner comeback by picking up precious points, slowly chipping away at the Warhawk lead. The Miners muscled a field goal, then a touchdown plus a two-point conversion, and then another touchdown to make it 31-25 with six minutes remaining on the clock. ULM urgently needed to match the Miners momentum but could only kill three minutes and twenty-eight seconds off the clock. UTEP united to take the lead, but the mighty men from Monroe intercepted a pass to seemingly end the game. However, the Warhawks still needed a first down to close out the contest. Faced with a fourth down, the ULM QB attempted to tiptoe through the UTEP defense for four final yards, but a Miner mitt met the ankle of the QB, quickly tripping him to the turf short of the sticks. The ULM defense was unquestionably up to the task, undercutting and intercepting the UTEP pass, muffling the Miners last-minute miracle hopes, and uplifting the Monroe masses with a wonderstruck win.   

ULM 31 - UTEP 25

September 20, 2025 - Salt Lake City, Utah

With the new Big XII Conference, teams that were previously distant from one another now make strange bedfellows. Texas Tech University’s Red Raiders now face the University of Utah Utes as conference mates. The teams took the field together in Salt Lake City in a much-talked-about event. The afternoon began as a defensive struggle where the teams were prevented from getting anything going. The Red Raiders get on the board first with a touchdown, taking a lead that they never relinquish. The Utes would have a turnover on downs but were bailed out by their defense that forced a punt. From there the teams would trade turnovers—a Red Raider interception, but the Utah Men gave the ball back on a fumble, a theme from the game as the hometown team would fumble three times and lose two of those to the visitors. As the half ends, the Utes get a field goal. The second half produced more destructive defense from the denizens of Lubbock, who denied the normally dominant Utes any offensive success. The Utes get a touchdown early in the fourth quarter, but from there the rest of the scoring comes from the Red Raiders; three straight drives from the Texas Tech offense find the end zone, putting the game out of reach.

TEXAS TECH 34 - UTAH – 10

September 20, 2025 - Los Angeles, CA

In antiquity the Trojan War was started when Helen of Troy was whisked away by the whim of Paris, the lad that was tasked by the goddesses with selecting a winner. What ensued was a ten-year battle that raged on to return Helen to Laconia and her husband, the King of Sparta. In the Coliseum, the University of Southern California Trojans bear the name of the fallen kingdom of legend. Besieged this week by the Michigan State University Spartans, who provided a phalanx of prepared, poised, and practiced players seeking to metaphorically replicate the tales of yore. The game got off to a tremendous offensive start as both teams scored on the first offensive drive, the Spartans with a touchdown and the Trojans with a field goal. From there, Southern Cal dug in and protected their home field, forcing punts from the Spartans. Between those punts, then, the Men of Troy get two touchdowns, taking the permanent lead. With a missed field goal from the Spartans at the end of the first half, the war raged on; more flashy plays from the Trojans pushed their lead further. A renewed Spartan assault brought their dory (spears) to the end zone, where they scored their own three touchdowns in the second half. But the Trojans accelerated their ascent, actualized their dreams, and accrued more points than their opponents, preventing an identical story as the classics have written.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA 45 - MICHIGAN STATE 31 

September 20th, 2025 - Washington, DC

Rivalry permeates all levels of college football, such that one could call it the cornerstone of the sport. This is true at the Historically Black Colleges and Universities. Two of the biggest names in this world are Howard University and Hampton University. These teams have met on the gridiron to grit and grind their way past one another to score points and make plays. In the 100th meeting of these teams, the game was played in Washington, DC, and it was one for the ages for the Bison faithful. Hampton had won the previous eight games, and the Howard men were seeking their first win since 2014. The Howard eleven set the tone early and often, scoring an unanswered 34 points and putting the game out of reach by the end of the first half. When the teams left the field, the Howard University “Showtime” Band took it and shook the columns of Audi Field, the location where the game was played. Not to be outdone, the Hampton University “Marching Force” did the same and reminded everyone in The District that their band can swing a tune! Back from the break, the teams resumed, but only the Howard offense scored. Their defense stymied the Hampton offense for four straight quarters. The Seasiders finally got on the board late in the game, their lone touchdown their only points. This edition of the game truly answered the question: Who is the Real HU?

HOWARD 34 - HAMPTON – 7 

September 20th, 2025 - Ypsilanti, MI

The Louisianans from Lafayette lumbered up to the Land of Large Lakes to engage in an exhibition against the Eastern Michigan Eagles. They started swiftly, scoring seven points in a seven-play, seventy-five-yard sequence. A pair of punts proceeded until the Michiganders made the mark and matched up with points of their own. A few more touchdowns and field goals followed before the final seconds of the first half ticked away with Eastern Michigan leading 21 to 17. The second half started sleepily until the Cajuns snapped back and secured a smooth pick six to regain the lead, 24-21. The traveling team didn’t take care of their lead for long, though, as the Eagles ’easily excelled and tacked on ten more tally marks. Towards the end of this tussle, a turnover trinket was trotted out! The Michigan men made a memento of our Maccoon! The merriment wasn’t maintained, though, as the Cajuns crawled back and crossed the goal line for a tying touchdown with a few seconds to spare. The Midwest meteorological conditions are still pretty mild. The Ragin’ Cajuns were able to endure 4 quarters in Ypsilanti, but they still lick their wounds and lug their loss back to Louisiana, because our hometown heroes held strong, fielding a final field goal as time nearly expired, and secured that sweet, sweet victory.

Eastern Michigan 34 - Ragin’ Cajuns 31