The Sickos Synopsis - Our Weekly early 1900s Style Old Timey Game Recaps - Week 2 Edition

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Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old-school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Also, we go really heavy on the alliteration.

How do we decide which games we do? Well, if you are declared the Sickos Committee Game of the Week, you get one automatically no matter what happens. However, the others are randomly decided by the committee writing staff; it could be the normal headliner game of the week or some random FCS game we got drawn in by and just wanted to write about because we found it compelling. We typically do about three to six games a week.

September 6, 2025 - Athens, Ohio

The West Virginia Mountaineers matriculated from Morgantown to Athens, Ohio, to take on the ballyhooed Bobcats, the MAC Champions from a year ago. The merry Mountaineers, 1-0, were led by a coach who returned after many, many moons. The Bobcats, bruised and battered from falling just short last week against the rugged knights of Rutgers, wanted to spoil the return of Rich Rod. Plenty of people paraded into Peden and packed the premises in anticipation of the football feature on the field. The game started slow with plenty of punts, but the Mountaineers drew first blood after a 32-yard Jahiem White touchdown trip. The Bobcats battled back, and Brack Peacock (yes, that’s the kicker's name) booted three through the uprights. Primetime player Parker Navarro took control of the cagey contest in the second frame. Navarro navigated a timely touchdown drive, putting Ohio ahead 10-7. Then a pinpoint pass from Parker from 31 yards out boosted the Bobcats and ballooned their lead to 10 just before the end of the first half. The Mountaineers marched out of halftime and chipped away at the lead, tacking on a field goal to make the contest 17-10.

The notable Navarro needed to guide the Bobcats carefully to see out the second half. However, Parker’s passes were picked off again and again and again. The Mountaineers couldn’t capitalize on Ohio’s exuberant errors, and their odious offense went backwards for a total of negative seven yards, going three and out three straight times much to Rich Rod’s chagrin. The Bobcats, clinging to a seven-point lead, couldn’t consume the clock to completion, but the cunning cats confused the Mountaineers mercurial Marichol, coaxing him into coughing up an ill-timed interception. The Ohio onlookers celebrated with glee, as their Bobcats had defeated the mighty Mountaineers for the first time since ‘49. The Bobcats' backers gave their boys a boisterous cheer that rang throughout the packed Peden pews, sounding out the oratory audio OU OH YEAH.

Ohio 17 - West Virginia 10

September 6, 2025 - Norman, OK

Few programs are as storied as the University of Michigan. The winningest program in the sport is the sort of school that one surmises possesses the resources, dedication, and fan base to sustain the great teams regardless of era. Enter their opponent, the University of Oklahoma Sooners. As far as history, record, and legacy, a strong debate can be had about Oklahoma’s place within the sport and how it rivals even the mighty Michigan Men. To settle the 2025 edition, the teams met on the field to hash out the discourse. Not wasting a single moment, the Sooners jumped all over the visitors, racing out to a two-touchdown lead, taunting the Wolverines as the home team built a lead that was tantamount to a towering mountain to traverse. The game carried on with the teams emerging from halftime and the Wolverines sprinting into the end zone on the first play back from the break. From there, the offensive production from the Men from Michigan was stifled. Their team produced two more scoring drives, both field goals, while the Sooners put a third touchdown on the board and capped the game with a field goal of their own, pulling away from the away team and answering the debate for this year’s iteration of the question between these two historic programs.

Oklahoma 24 - Michigan 13

September 5, 2025 - Louisville, KY

The University of Louisville Cardinals and the James Madison University Dukes squared off in interconference play early this season. The Dukes, a well-known spoiler of a team, traveled to town and brought with them four quarters of fighting that put the home team on their heels from the kickoff to the final whistle. The JMU players pushed, prodded, and pulled their team to an early lead with a touchdown in the first quarter. From there the Dukes held this lead for the remainder of the half and then deep into the second half, which was bolstered by a second touchdown. Between those scores, the Cardinals got two field goals but spent a drive giving the ball away via a fumble. But the toothy birds, on a mission to uphold their home field's honor, harrowed, harassed, hampered, and heckled the Dukes into a fumble in which the Cards picked up in the end zone their second touchdown of the night. More tough defense stuffed the Dukes, forcing a turnover on downs from the Dukes, stopping a promising drive to get back into the game. The Louisville lads add another touchdown to put the game out of reach, then close the door shut with an interception late into the fourth quarter. This kept the game far out of reach and sent the Dukes back to Virginia with a loss.

Louisville 28 - James Madison 14

September 6, 2025 - Ames, IA

In 1894 in Iowa City, the State University of Iowa (now known as “The University of Iowa”) and the Iowa Agricultural College (now known as Iowa State University) launched one of the sport’s most enduring and long-lasting rivalries. The teams tussle each year, seeking ownership of the Cy-Hawk trophy and bragging rights within the state. This season, the teams met on another fine day with a splendid crowd to cheer for both teams, and everyone witnessed a knockdown, drag-out fight. The game was cleanly played, competently executed, and courageously waged. However, Iowa State took the lead with a pair of field goals. This allowed the Cyclones to play keep-away from the Hawkeyes for the rest of the first half. They held the Hawks to a single field goal for most of the half. The ‘Clones then pulled away further before the break with their only touchdown of the afternoon, which was set up by an Iowa interception deep within their own end of the field. Before the end of the half, the Hawkeyes went the length of the field in short order to get their solitary touchdown of the affair. The second half was more of the same. The teams traded punts, and Iowa tied the game at 13 with their final scoring of the afternoon. But the Cyclones would not be stopped, stymied, nor would they surrender to their in-state rivals. The Agriculturals went on an odyssey of their own, a 13-play, 55-yard drive that ended with a field goal and took 6 minutes and 29 seconds off of the clock. This put the home team ahead for good, as on the ensuing drive, the Hawkeyes could not make the line to gain, lost the ball on downs, and lost the game as the clock expired.

Iowa State 16 - Iowa 13

September 6, 2025 - Columbia, MO

Many teams have met for many years, making their moments of magic in college football. Few have met as much as these two, nor can they claim the invention of “Homecoming.” The University of Missouri and the University of Kansas have played one another in football since 1894, when the teams played in Kansas City, MO. That game was called on account of darkness, but the teams have battled it out since then, meeting on the gridiron to settle their yearly scores. After the teams separated in conference realignment, they have rekindled their rivalry, renewed their rancor, and remitted their rigorous enmity for one another. After a long while, the animosity had not cooled a single degree, and the teams waged a conflict that spanned four quarters and 73 points. The teams traded offensive fireworks, turnovers, blocked kicks, and even had a safety. One could say this game truly had it all. After a first half that ended with a tie score of 21, the teams resumed the hostilities and continued to press one another. With a turnover on downs by the Tigers, the Jayhawks took the lead with a field goal. Their efforts were wiped away by the Tigers getting a touchdown on the immediately preceding drive. With a long drive, the Men from Kansas get another touchdown, but the home team fires back with one of their own. From that point, it is all Tigers, as they force a punt from Kansas, get another touchdown, and then force a final interception as the Jayhawkers are furiously attempting to stage a comeback. This ends the game and adds another historic game in the annals of this rivalry.

Missouri 42 - Kansas 31

September 6, 2025 - Manhattan, KS

Mad, muddled, and motivated, the military made movements to Manhattan to make over the malaise from a misguided match against the tough, tenacious Texans from Tarleton the week prior. The wayward Wildcats of the windswept wonderland also wished to waive the worrywarts and wane the whispers that they were wrestling weakness as well. Some say that scoring situations are slim when strategizing against our studious soldiers, and the speculations were settled on Saturday when the K-Staters faced only seven shots to make something happen.

The Wildcats were willing, wanting, and well-balanced, deftly delivering the opening drive down the field before forcing a fine, fair field goal and lurching into the lead. The pugnacious pair partook in punts until Army tumbled and tossed up a troubling turnover on downs. Kansas State sought favor and capitalized on this chance opportunity and caught a 32-yard completed pass in the end zone to take the lead to 10-0. Army attempted to answer and were arrested with no apparent advantage and punted the ball back to the home team. Showing the soldiers how it’s done, the Wildcats sat on the ball for seven minutes before securing another field goal and surging again 13-0 with 2 and a half minutes left in the first half. The ensuing kickoff turned into a touchback, Army tightened things up, trotted down the track, and tacked on a touchdown of their own as time expired, taking a 13-7 deficit into the locker room for a mid-game talking to.

After another pair of punts, Army took the lead in the third half with a tortuous, time-killing touchdown drive, eating nearly eight minutes of game time and earning their first edge with a 14-13 lead. The lead didn’t last long, as some beautiful blocking on the ensuing kickoff gifted a gobsmack of grass for Bryce Noernberg to return the rock 99 yards for another touchdown and a two-point conversion to retake the lead 21-13. The Black Knights are notorious for taking time, sapping seconds, and draining destiny, and they did just that. Using another 7 minutes and settling for a field goal. An opportunistic onside kick right into the calf of K-State’s Mikey Bergeron careened right back to the West Point Warriors, enabling them to consume another clock-killing drive and commandeer control, up 24-21 with under three minutes remaining in the game. The Manhattanites rooted for a return of their own, passing the ball to a potpourri of prosperity and pain. A hopeful heave into a haphazard hand ricocheted right into the awaiting arms of Army’s Collin Matteson, ending the endeavor and adding another W into the Black Knights’ win column.

Army 24 - Kansas State 21

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