The Sickos Synopsis - Our Weekly early 1900s style Old-Timey Recap for Week Two - Featuring Oklahoma State/Arizona State, Houston/Rice, Wisconsin/Wazzu, UCF/Boise, Nebraska/Colorado and UTEP/NW

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. 

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Sept. 9th - Tempe, AZ

The Cowpokes caravan crossed the dusty desert to take on the Sun Devils from Tempe on a steamy Saturday after sunset. The Cowboys Coach Mike Gundy had holstered a trio of gunslingers ready to rotate in and out to take on Kenny Dillingham’s Devils Defense. The Sun Devils dashed out to an early edge after a Cameron Skattebo skedaddled and sliced through the State defense for six. The Pokes pushed right back after a poor punt put them in prime scoring position and the Cowboys countered to tie the tango at 7-7. The Sun Devils then struck on a scintillating sixty-five yard spiral to take a 13-7 lead. Then Skattebo skittered in for a surprising two point conversion and a 15-7 lead. The Cowboys kicker cannon cracked a forceful 52 yard field goal to head into halftime down 15-10. Pistol Pete perspired profusely and was perplexed that the Cowpokes couldn’t produce any rushing yards in the first half. In the second half, the Sun Devils’ desires were denied by the daunting defense of the crazed Cowboys. Gundy’s guys gained ground by bruising and battering the Devils defense to a tune of 113 yards rushing in the second half. Oklahoma State slowly stretched their supremacy by piling up 17 straight second half precious points. State sealed the show with a sly shallow cross for a 16 yard TD toss silencing the Sun Devils supporters and walking away with a workmanlike win.  

Oklahoma State 27 - Arizona State 15

Sept. 9th - Houston, TX. 

The Cougar Coaster careened cross town to take on their bayou brethren, the Rice Owls, in the Bayou Bucket Classic. The Coogs were champions of the Bayou Bucket for 13 straight years and looked to continue the Cougar control on the clash. From the outset, the offensive minded Owls overwhelmed the Coogs and crossed the goal line for a touchdown on their first four forays with the football. The Owls took an outlandish and ostentatious 28-0 lead over their opposition. The haphazard and heedlessly looking Houston herd were shell shocked but steadied themselves and the Coogs clawed back with a timely touchdown to trim the lead to 28-7. The Owls found themselves over aggressive and overambitious, throwing an interception to end the first half. In the 3rd Quarter both teams took their turn trying to score but the scoreboard went into hibernation. Fast forward to the fourth quarter and the Owls coughed up the pill and the Coogs pounced on the pigskin. Then the Coogs unleashed a furious fourth quarter rally to claw and climb back into the contest. The Coogs capitalized on three out of their four fourth quarter possessions converting them into touchdowns to tie the tussle at 28-28 with fifteen seconds remaining. The Owls onlookers were overwrought with the ominous overhanging overtime. The two teams traded touchdowns taking the trial to a double dare. The Owls outmatched the Coogs characters and converted a touchdown and the two point conversion in the second session of OT. Houston hoped to match and they got a touchdown but the two point conversion fell incomplete. The raucous Rice revelers celebrated capturing the beautiful Bayou Bucket for the first time in fourteen years! 

Rice 43 - Houston 41 2OT

Sept. 9th - Pullman, WA

The Pumas of the Palouse welcomed the Badgers to Pullman for the companion contest to last season’s clash in Madison.The first half started slowly with a punt apiece prior to the cork popping out of this particular bottle. It was the Cougars that struck first, appropriately finding success through the air on a night that their coaching staff was bedecked in buccaneer broadswords in tribute to their late coach Leach. A Cam Ward completion to Kyle Williams capped off the first scoring drive of the campaign. Wisconsin’s revamped offense responded with a drive that resembled its old ways, taking 10 plays to cover 29 yards and converting a field goal. On the following possession, Pullman’s team was pinned deep by a holding penalty on the kickoff, but maintained their poise and swiftly passed their way down the field for another touchdown. The two teams then traded field goal tries, bringing the tally to 17-6 halfway through the second. The parade of scoring possessions took a pause here, as Wisconsin quarterback Tanner Mordecai dropped the rock while being sacked and the Cougar D jumped on the loose ball for the first turnover of the game.The Badger defense stood strong, forcing a three-and-out prior to a pinpoint punt pinning them back at their own 6 yard line. Tanner’s troubles tarried, as he lost another fumble three plays later, which the Cougars cheerily converted to six points of their own. The Dairy Raid finally found its footing again with a fleet field goal drive, entirely through the air, to cut the halftime count to 24-9. The opening of the third period mirrored that of the first, with both sides swapping punts before Wisconsin swiftly swept down the field and across the line for a score. The pride of Pullman punted on the following possession, and the Badgers answered with another rapid score that left their rivals reeling. With the lead down to two, another flurry of punts followed, before a final forced fumble gave the Cougars a short field once more. A one-yard scoring run by former Badger Nakia Watson made Wisconsin wish they had withheld his talents. The final Badger bid bogged down near midfield and a turnover on downs returned the ball to Washington State to run out the clock on the contest.

Wazzu 31 - Wisconsin 22

Sept 9th - Boise, ID

UCF traded Orlando and the Bounce House for the altitude and blue turf of Albertsons Stadium in Boise.  The Knights’ kicker Colton Boomer had a perfect night, going 4 for 4 including two from beyond the fringe of fifty yards. UCF opened the game hot, moving quickly deep into Bronco territory before a John Rhys Plumlee dart was deflected into the arms of diving defender Alexander Teubner and put paid to Plumlee’s opening drive. The Knights’ defense stood strong however, and forced a Bronco put shortly after. Boomer finally opened the scoring on the visitors’ second drive by sailing a shot from 50 yards through the uprights. The Broncos immediately bounced back to take a 7-3 lead, benefitting from two long balls to Ashton Jeanty, including the score.  The two sides then exchanged a series of unsuccessful efforts, excepted by one Colton Boomer 33 yard score. The last two drives before the half saw each team find another field goal, including a fifty-five yarder from Boomer, which gave the Broncos a 10-9 buffer at the break. The return to play saw the two sides swap a pair of picks and pile of punts before UCF produced their sole touchdown of the outing part way through the fourth period. UCF took a swing at some sleight of hand on the conversion but the defense swarmed the sneaky passer and left the Knights with a 15-10 lead. The hosts responded with a crushing campaign of their own, covering the length of the field, consuming the majority of the clock left in the contest, and eventually crossing the goal line with less than 2 minutes remaining. An attempt at a two point conversion of their own was batted into the air and left the hosts with a one point advantage. The Knights then rattled off nine plays in rapid order, rolling into range for their hero of the night, and in the closing seconds, a final kick caromed off of Colton’s cleat and cleared the crossbar to clinch the contest for the Citronauts. 

UCF 18 - Boise State 16

Sept 9 - Boulder, CO

Craving to cure the curse of close-game catastrophes, Matt Rhule and his brawny bunch of Big Red bigshots drove west to take on Deion Sanders and his doubted, disrespected and determined dynamos. Today’s match up was reported to be a recurrence of a red-hot rivalry that has recently been regressing due to conference realignment. Showing early signs of life, Nebraska paraded down the pitch thanks to some proficient passing by the Georgia Tech transfer quarterback, Jeff Sims. However a timely turnover thwarted an early scoring opportunity, giving the ball back to the Buffaloes from Boulder. Defense dominated for the majority of the first half forcing the fighting factions to settle for five following punts. Nebraska had another opportunity to take the early lead, but a miscommunication on the snap led to another frightening fumble caused and recovered by the freshman Luke Lindenmeyer resulting in a missed field goal by the Husker hopefuls. Another strong stop by the Blackshirts forced Colorado to punt again and a second fumble by Sims gave the Buffs the ball in a prime scoring opportunity. The big, burly Blackshirts once again bested the Buffaloes forcing a field goal to put Colorado up 3-0 with 4:20 left in the first half. Nebraska’s offense wanted to overcome their own obstacles, but instead imparted an interception resulting in a 30-yard touchdown pass from Shedeur Sanders to Tar’Varish Dawson. One final field goal by the Folsom Fury ended the first half 13-0 in favor of Colorado. Driven to demonstrate they are down but not out, Nebraska forced a turnover on downs and responded with a Jeff Sims rushing touchdown narrowing the score 13-7, but the Colorado crew crushed any and all confidence the Cornhuskers were curating by going up to 20, 23, 29, and eventually 36-7 against the lovable luck-run-outs from Lincoln all the while gleefully getting a gift of yet another Nebraska fumble. Nebraska did have the final say in this game with Heinrich Haarberg passing to Thomas Fidone II for a 4-yard touchdown as time expired.

Colorado 36 - Nebraska 14

Sept. 9th - Evanston, IL.

The Mighty Miners of El Paso rode their runaway minecart to the Northeast to wage a pick to claw battle with the defending Irish national champion Northwestern Wildcats. Starting their drive from their own 30 after the Cats crossed the line early on the kick for an offsides penalty, the massive Miner OL made quick work of their feline foes, marching down the field in just 8 plays, including big runs and passes from QB Gavin Hardison. A good try from star footsman Buzz Flabiano made it a second straight week of a quarterback named Gavin dropping a 7-0 deficit on the muckraking Methodists of Evanston. Perhaps energized by returning to the freshwater shores of Michigan after a flirtation with the Atlantic, Northwestern played like a team possessed, or at least somewhat prepared, a rare sight for the Evanston faithful. Ben Bryant immediately led an 8-play TD drive of his own, deftly distributing dimes to Bryce Kirtz and Cam Porter before Wildcat QB Jack Lausch entered to run the, well, Wildcat formation, resulting in a 6-pack for the Wildcats, only their second score of the season. Two drives, two scores, this had every indication of a high scoring match-up between two teams looking for winning formulas in this early season. It was not to be. The next four drives ended in punts for both teams, then an interception by UTEP, three more punts including a drive in which UTEP ran 6 plays for 1 yard, and then a missed FG from UTEP and a knee by Northwestern sent the game into the half knotted at 7. What words of Wildcat wisdom interim head coach David Braun whispered to his squad we will never know, but the results are without dispute: the Cats came out a team utterly transformed, scoring touchdowns on its first four drives of the half, followed by a field goal on the fifth. They also picked off UTEP passes twice more, forced turnovers on downs twice more, and never had to punt once in the half. When the smoke had cleared, Northwestern’s losing streak, spanning 12 games since victory in Dublin, had come to an end.

Northwestern 38 - UTEP 7