The Sickos Synopsis - Our Weekly 1920s style Old-Timey Recap for Week 13 - Ft. New Mexico State, Nebraska/Iowa, Tulane/Cincy, Arizona/ASU, Southern/Grambling, Minnesota/Wisconsin & Oregon State/Oregon

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided Sickos games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Here are the headlines for Week 13.

Nov. 26th - Lynchburg, VA.

Jerry Kill’s New Mexico State Aggies left Las Cruces to Lynchburg to take on the Liberty Flames. The 4-6 Aggies were heavy underdogs to the 8-3 Flames. Rumors were running rampant before kickoff that the Liberty coach could be the new signal caller at Auburn. The Aggies attacked early and led 7-0 but the Flames fought back finding a way to tie the tangle at 7-7. The Aggies then activated an everlasting ambush that attacked listless Liberty from every single side. The New Mexico State Aggies quarterback Diego Pavia produced pounds of plentiful points in a performance to be remembered in perpetuity. Pavia and his Aggie amigos assailed and assaulted the flummoxed Flames through the air and on the ground to the tune of six straight touchdowns and 42 unanswered points. The Flames offense flailed and failed at nearly every opportunity. The Aggies defense deterred and denied the lethargic and lifeless Liberty leather luggers sacking the shot caller five times as they forced fumble after fumble as finally finishing with three forced turnovers. The nearly perfect Pavia finished with a stupendous scintillating supercalifragilistic six touchdown total on the day, three of the aerial assortment and three tap dancing around defeated Liberty defenders. 

New Mexico State 49 - Liberty 14

Nov. 25th - Iowa City, IA

Deep within the heartland of the Republic there are two programs that have battled on the gridiron since 1891. The University of Nebraska Cornhuskers have had a harrowing campaign this season and were heading to play the team at the top of the Big Ten West Division, the University of Iowa Hawkeyes. The Hawkeyes sought a bid to the Big Ten Championship game and a win in this game, it would punch their ticket to Indianapolis. The game got off to an auspicious start with a punt on the inaugural offensive drive of the contest with Iowa sending the ball the way of the Huskers. The Men from Nebraska take the ball down into Iowa territory and then missed the field goal attempt. After another Iowa punt the Corn Huskers took the ball all the way to pay dirt taking a 7-0 lead in the game. Then disaster strikes for the Hawkeyes as they fumble the ball away to Nebraska who puts the ball between the uprights for the three. On the next drive for the hometown Hawkeyes, the more misfortune maligns the mighty Men of Iowa fumbling a second time to Big Red who this time put another touchdown on the board! The half ends with three consecutive punts ending the half. To start the second half the Nebraska team are forced to punt, but the Iowa return man muffed the punt, putting the pigskin back in the hands of the punting team, which they punched into the end-zone for another seven points, the last points of the day for Big Red, and a commanding 24-0 lead. But this began a furious comeback by the Hawkeyes, starting with a touchdown on a 7-play 75-yard drive immediately after the Nebraska score. Three more punts follow and then Iowa goes on the longest drive of the game 90 yards to score their second touchdown. After forcing a fumble that was recovered by Iowa, the Hawkeyes kicked a field goal bringing the score to 24-17. The final four drives of the game ended with two Nebraska punts and two Iowa turnover on downs, ending any threat of a comeback, and with the Huskers hauling the Heroes Trophy back to Lincoln. 

Nebraska 24 – Iowa 17

Nov. 25th - Cincinnati, OH

A common theme this tremendous season has been “It feels like 1998”. This was the year of the last conference championship concerning the Tulane Green Wave. This program has scrapped their way into the American Athletic Conference and stand this week with a 6-1 conference record. This week however, the Green Wave rolls into town to face the reigning American champion, the Cincinnati Bearcats. In an electric environment in beautiful Nippert Stadium, these two titans in their conference were set to determine which team will play in the conference championship game. The game began bereft of bodacious offense as the first three drives of the afternoon ended in punts. But after the punting ending both teams get on the board with a field goal. Then the Olive Green and Sky Blue clad footballers from New Orleans go on a three and out and punt back to the scrappy Bearcats, return the favor and punt back to the visiting team. Seeking satisfaction, the Green Wave weaved a wondrous wild and whimsical drive that lasted 15 plays and put the pig skin across the goal line, punctuated by a Tyjae Spears touchdown run, his first of the day. But the Bearcats, tore through the defense and scored a touchdown of their own for the home team tying the game at 10! The Wave took their next drive into Cincy territory and kicked the final three points of the half. Taking their 13-10 lead into the second half the Green Wave punts after their first drive of the third frame and punted. However, the Bearcats bungled botched and buffed the next drive by throwing an interception, which the Wave turned into six points on the ensuing drive. Seeing the game getting away, the ‘Cats take their next drive into the end-zone for 6 after a 14 play drive. Bringing the score to 20-17 going the way of the Wave. After a turnover on downs with a magnificent stop by the Bearcats, the Nippert noise crescendo after they take the lead after another odyssey of a drive lasting 13 plays. But the Green Wave, seeking destiny, determined to return to their previous lofty highs, take two thirty yard chunk plays in for a touchdown, giving them the lead for good. After a pair of punts the Bearcats get stopped on 4th down, ending their chance to take the lead, sending Tulane into the American Athletic Conference’s Championship game to be played on their home field Yulman Stadium. 

Tulane 27 – Cincinnati 24

Nov. 25th - Tucson, AZ

The Arizona State Sun Devils strolled down interstate 10 to Tucson to take on their Territorial Cup foe in the Fisch Tank against the Arizona Wildcats. The Territorial Cup has been held by the Sun Devils for five straight seasons. The Wildcats weaved into the end-zone at warp speed after a 51 yard touchdown taking an early Arizona advantage 7-0. The Sun Devils signal caller slung the sphere sloppily and the Wildcats wandered in front for an interception. The Wildcats cashed in a field goal for an early 10-0 lead. The Sun Devils shook off the slip up and steadied themselves for a 75 yard touchdown drive to slice the lead down to 10-7. Arizona attempted to answer but threw an ill-timed interception in the Arizona State end-zone. The Sun Devils then danced their way down the field to take a 14-10 lead with a few ticks left in the first half. After the half,  Arizona and Arizona State attacked each other’s defense going toe to toe in the form of touchdown after touchdown after touchdown in a Territorial Cup clash at a crazed clip. However, the Sun Devils slipped up and mishandled the moleskin while the Cats clawed at the ball carrier. The Wildcats whisked into the end-zone after a seventy-two yard run taking a 10 point lead 31-21. The determined Devils diagnosed the Cats defense and drove down the field on their next two drives for two touchdowns to take the lead back 35-31. The Wildcats weaved through the Devils defense rambunctiously rushing down the field to take the lead back 38-35. Arizona State attempted to answer but the Cats pounced on the pineapple after a seemingly fatal fumble. However, the Sun Devils stoned the Cats on a fourth down and gained one last ditch attempt to tie the tussle. The Sun Devils signal caller slid back to pass but the Cats captured the football after another impetuously thrown interception. The Wildcats were set to kneel out the game but a brouhaha bubbled up and boiled over causing six players to be tossed for the final minute of the game. The Tucson theatergoers enjoyed the wonderful Wildcats performance as they raised the Territorial Cup for the first time since 2016!

Arizona 38 - Arizona State 35.  

Nov. 26th - New Orleans, LA.

In Louisiana there are two Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) that play within the Southwestern Athletic Conference (SWAC). Southern University of Baton Rouge and Grambling State University. These are the largest two HBCUs within the Pelican State. First meeting on the field in 1932 these teams have played every year for bragging rights, football glory, and SWAC Championships. Since 1974 this game has been dubbed “The Bayou Classic” and this season’s contest is the final impediment for the Southern Jaguars who are seeking to win the West Division and to face the East Division winner Jackson State in the SWAC Championship game. The game debuted as a dominant defense struggle as both teams forced punts and missed field goals but on their third drive of the game Tigers put the ball over the goal line scoring the first points of the game. But Southern’s sensational spectacular savvy offense gets a touchdown of their own. But Grambling would not be denied, scoring a field goal. To end the half the Jaguars jaunted and juked into the end-zone taking a 14-10 lead into the break. During half time the marching bands of these two schools, both of great renowned stormed the field with a fantastic halftime show that put the fans in the stands in a dancing mood. The “Human Jukebox” is Southern University’s marching band and they lived up to the name as they played all manner of music for the occasion. Not to be outdone, the GSU Tiger Marching Band electrified the crowd with their performance bringing the fans out of their seats and uplifting the spirits of everyone who heard them. In the new half the Tigers take the first drive of the half 94 yards into the end-zone to take the lead. But the Southern offense came alive in the 4th quarter scoring 20 unanswered points ended any debate for this contest, sending Southern sailing into the SWAC Conference Championship and a rematch of this year’s BoomBox Classic with Jackson State. 

Southern 34 – Grambling 17

Nov. 26th - Madison, WI

The Golden Gophers gallivanted their way down to Madison to battle the Badgers for Paul Bunyan’s Axe. The Badgers bullied their way down the field to open the game but had to settle for a field goal. The Gophers galloped down the field and glided into the end zone for a touchdown. Wisconsin added another field goal and Minnesota marched right down to match the field goal, giving the Golden Gophers a 10-6 lead at halftime. After the half, the two teams traded field goals on their opening possessions of the half. The Badgers belatedly broke through the gusty Golden Gophers gridiron gridders and finally found paydirt for a touchdown to take a 16-13 lead. A dominant defensive struggle showed itself in the second half as Minnesota and Wisconsin traded punts on their next four possessions. Minnesota then muscled, maneuvered and managed to make a field goal to tie the tangle at 16-16. Then on their next possession, the Golden Gophers busted open the Badgers secondary when suddenly the safeties parted like the Red Sea and Minnesota wide receiver ran right up the middle after a pinpoint pass taking it 45 yards for a touchdown giving the Gophers the lead 23-16. Wisconsin attempted to tie but a woefully wobbly ball was intercepted by the Gophers. However, the Gophers missed a field goal giving the Badgers one last breath to capture the cleave of Mr. Bunyan. The Badgers bullied and bruised the Gopher’s defense all the way down to the 5 yard line. Then Wisconsin’s false start foibles and precipitous penalties pushed them all the way back to the 30 yard line. The Badgers were unable to overcome their own undoing and the Gophers gladly gathered beautiful Bunyan’s after time expired! 

Minnesota 23 - Wisconsin 16

Nov. 26th - Corvallis, OR

The Oregon Webfoots wandered down to Corvallis to take on the Oregon State Beavers in a backyard brouhaha played for the Platypus. The Ducks controlled their Pac-12 destiny, with a win they were in the Pac-12 Championship Game. The Beavers broke the deadlock by getting a field goal for a 3-0 lead. The Ducks darted down the field and took the lead with a fantastic flying 44 yard touchdown catch. The Beavers bounced back and brought home a touchdown to take the lead back 10-7. The Ducks began to display dominance much to the dismay of the Beaver brethren thanks to a couple of Beaver blunders. The Ducks dashed out to a 31-10 lead with 4:46 left to go in the 3rd Quarter. Beaten but not broken, the Beaver bunch unleashed a bruising battering and bustling ground game. Beavers bounded into the end-zone cutting the lead to 31-17. The Ducks ducked, dived and dodged defenders to find a field goal to draw out their dominance back to 34-17. But on the ensuing kickoff the Beavers were back in business after a 48 yard kickoff return plus 15 yards tacked on due to a foolish face mask. The Beavers bounced into the end-zone shortly after another brawny Beaver bounded in for another touchdown. The Ducks dropped the precious peanut while attempting to punt and the Beavers barged in with another touchdown shortly thereafter. The Ducks were then denied on a daring 4th down attempt as the Beavers broke into the backfield. Buoyed by the bunch of Beavers buffs going crazy in Corvallis, the Beavers on the field were buzzing. The Beavers breached the Ducks defense by and by to take a 38-34 lead. The Ducks dared to answer the Beavers bell but they were denied on a 4th & Goal from the three yard line. The Beavers buffeted by the denial of the Ducks were determined to drain the dial. Beavers burst forward one last time to clinch the contest and picked up the prized Platypus to echoes of a cacophony of cheers in Corvallis. 

Oregon State 38 - Oregon 34