The Sickos Synopsis - Our Weekly 1920s style Old-Timey Recap for Week 12 - Featuring SMU/Tulane, Iowa/Minnesota, Navy/UCF, Duke/Pitt, TCU/Baylor and Stanford/Cal

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided Sickos games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Here are the headlines for Week 12.

Nov. 17th - New Orleans, LA

The SMU Mustangs matriculated to New Orleans to take on the Tulane Green Wave in an American Conference clash. The Green Wave’s woes against SMU stretched back to 2012. Tulane suffered so many setbacks against SMU in their past seven meetings and often lost in horrific heartbreaking fashion. Tulane took to it to try to turn the tide against the mighty Mustangs offense who had put up a plethora of points a few weeks ago. The Green Wave brandished their Black out jerseys and jumped out to a 21-0 lead at the end of the first quarter. SMU mustered a minuscule touchdown, taking the contest to a 21-7 margin. The Green Wave wandered into the yawning Yulman end-zone again taking a 28-7 lead into halftime. After what must have been a fabulous pep talk from Tulane Head Coach Willie Fritz, Tulane continued to clobber and crush the meager Mustang resistance to take a 49-7. The tough Tulane defense denied and deterred the Mustangs from managing any meaningful movement of the ball, as the Wave wrangled the watermelon from SMU to the tune of five turnovers. The Green Wave and Mustangs exchanged a few more meaningless scores to close out the contest. Tulane finally found a wonderful way to win against their Dallas based nemesis. 

Tulane 59 - SMU 24

Nov. 19th - Minneapolis, MN.

The first time these two teams met on the gridiron was in 1891 in Iowa City. Since that game was played these two teams have met 115 more times and for the past 88 contests the teams have played for Floyd of Rosedale a traveling trophy of a prize pig presented to the victor of this rivalry. This season the Iowa Hawkeyes come to Minnesota holding their own destiny within the division within their own hands. Today’s events began with a Minnesota Golden Gopher drive that ended with a punt. The Hawkeyes immediately responded with a short field goal drive to go up three. Following another punt from Minny, Iowa instigated immediately an inspirational touchdown drive that put them up 10. Not content to let this stand Minnesota, dubbed “Goldy” by the magnificent mighty Minnesota maniacs, returned the favor and went 72 yards to score their first points. But after three more drives, no more points are scored for the rest of the first half. Following the break, the Hawkeyes, harassed by the harrowing Gopher defense, were forced to punt back to the home team. Minnesota then turned that into points, a field goal that tied the game. Following this offensive outburst, the game had 5 straight drives where the teams gave the ball to their opponent. 4 combined punts and a Minnesota fumble. But the Iowa defense, stout stern setup to succeed, forced an interception that sealed the Minneapolis Men’s fate, as the Hawkeyes took that turnover and turned it into three more points. Ending the game’s scoring and giving Iowa the prize pig. 

Iowa 13 - Minnesota 10.

Nov. 19th - Orlando, FL. 

The Navy Midshipmen from Maryland made their way to the Bounce House to battle the American Conference leaders, the upstanding UCF Knights. The nautical Navy navigated the Knights defense on the opening drive for an elegant 11 play touchdown drive to take a 7-0 lead on UCF. The Knights found a field goal a few drives later to nick the Navy lead down to 7-3. The Midshipmen masterfully matriculated the pointy peanut, pushing and pounding the UCF players and finally propelled themselves into the end zone for a 14-3 lead. The Knights needed a response and found a field goal before half and then sauntered in for six on their opening opportunity of the second half knotting Navy and the Knights at 14-14. On the next Knights’ drive, the mighty Midshipmen forced a fumble and found a fortunate field goal to take a 17-14 lead.  A fierce fight flourished and both teams bruised and battered the leather lugging lads of the opposing offenses. Seven straight possessions of punts proceeded to present themselves to the onlookers in Orlando. The Knights knifed and tried to tie the tangle but failed on a fourth down from Navy’s 43 yard line with 5 minutes and 54 seconds left. The Midshipmen moved the moleskin inch by inch deftly draining the clock and carefully counted the seconds salting away the final 5 minutes and 54 seconds baffling the Bounce House to a cleverly crafted upset victory. 

Navy 17 - UCF 14.

Nov. 19th - Pittsburgh, PA

The Duke Blue Devils dashed to the house formerly called Heinz to face-off with the Pitt Panthers in an ACC Coastal Clash. A plethora of pigeons found their way to the playing surface and perpetually made their presence known throughout the contest, providing plenty of pigeon placement on the picture box. As it pertained to the pigskin proving ground, the Panthers put up the first points taking a 3-0 lead. Duke didn’t dilly dally and dawdle too long to answer and they took a lead 7-3 with a tasty touchdown toss after they partially blocked a Pitt punt. On the next possession, Pitt was pressed to punt but this time a Blue Devil blunder allowed the Panthers to pounce on the pigskin deep in Duke territory. Pitt pushed the ball into the end zone for a 10-7 lead. Pitt pushed past the Blue Devils on the scoreboard with two field goals but then the Blue Devils blasted back with a touchdown to take the lead 14-13. The Panthers then powered back, proceeding to toss a timely touchdown to take a 20-14 halftime lead. Pitt powered out of halftime with a promising possession but an ill-timed interception gave Duke the ball back. The Blue Devils punted but Pitt tossed it right back to them with another illogical interception thrown by the Pitt passer but Duke was then denied on downs. The next Duke dalliance with the pointy pineapple spelled doom as the punishing Pitt defense coaxed a cough up of the pill and the Panthers pranced their way into the end zone to take a 28-14 lead. Duke was not done yet as they dashed down the field to cut the lead down to 28-20. The Blue Devils tried to get a two point conversion to prune the Pitt lead to six but were stopped. Pitt tried to put the game away but their punter perplexedly put the ball on the turf and lost twenty two yards giving the Devils one last chance to tie. Duke launched the leather on a 4th & 18 finding a touchdown to tighten the tangle 28-26. The Blue Devils, determined to deadlock the dispute, tried to tie on the two point conversion but the prideful Panthers protected and prevented the end zone to the praise of the Pitt patrons packing the pavilion. 

Pitt 28 - Duke 26

Nov. 19th - Waco, TX

There are few rivalries that are as historic and played as Baylor – Texas Christian University. With 118 meetings over 123 years the teams have played high stakes football frantically fortuitously and frenzied to the delight of the Lone Star State and the broader College football world. This year’s game has the TCU Horned Frogs entering with a 10-0 record. Seeking their first College Football Playoff berth the Frogs (as their known throughout the sport) are seeking to add to the rich lineage of their program. Lining up to face them are the Baylor Bears. Seeking to stop their biggest rivals the Bears took the first drive of the game into the end-zone to shatter the stillness of 0-0 and snatched a 7-0 lead in the game. The next two drives ended in kicks with the Horned Frogs missing a field goal and the Bears punting the ball away. The TCU team trampled the visiting Bears on their way to tying up the match at 7 with the next drive. This began a flurry of touchdown drives at the next two went for six alternating TCU-Baylor-TCU knotting the contest at 14. Aggressive play took the Baylor Boys to a turnover on downs, but the defense got a punt from the TCU Frogs. This success was short-lived as the Waco team threw an interception, ending their drive and the half. The second half brings as much manic masterful matriculation as each team’s offense explodes for points all over the field. After the first four drives of the half end poorly for the offense, including an interception thrown by the Horned Frogs, the purple clad team finally gets the ball over the goal line scoring 6 points but then missing the point after. Taking their first lead of the game, the Men from Fort Worth stand tall but could not secure the lead for long as the Bears take an unprecedented 10-play 77-yard drive to pay dirt, wrestling the lead back. To prove it was no fluke the Bears defense forces and recovers a fumble, then goes 84 yards to get another touchdown on the board taking a 28-20 lead. After a pair of punts, pinned back inside their own 10, the Horned Frogs, this season usurping the name “Hypnotoad” go the length of the field to score the final touchdown of the afternoon, but TCU does not convert the 2 point try and are now down 26-28. Needing the ball back the Frogs stopped the Bears for a three and out and then forced a punt. Needing every one of the remaining 90 seconds the Horned Frogs march down the field, and on the final play of the game run what can only be described as a “Fire Drill” field goal that is kicked true and straight down the middle from 40 yards out. Putting the Horned Frogs point total to 29, and ending the game to the cheers of the TCU Faithful. 

TCU 29 - Baylor 28

Nov. 19th - Berkeley, CA

The Big Game between contentious conference foes was hosted in Berkeley this year in the battle between Stanford and Cal. The two Pac-12 rivals relish the opportunity to outdo each other on the gridiron in a series dating back 1892, a mere 400 years after Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Both teams came into The Big Game brouhaha bearing 3-7 records hoping they could clip their rival to salvage some sort of soothing for a season gone sideways by stealing the Stanford Axe for their own. The Cardinal corralled the opening kick and carved the Cal defense with a 42 yard run and converted it into an early 7-0 lead. The Bears bit back and found a field goal to cut the Cardinal lead down to 7-3. Stanford slid back down the field and slotted a Joshua Karty kick to take a 10-3 lead. Cal then found another field goal, tightening the tussle to 10-6. After the half, the Cardinal came out with a cleverly crafted 11 play drive to take a 17-6 lead. Stanford seemed to have a stranglehold on the Stanford Axe but there was nearly a quarter and a half of game time left. Cal couldn’t muster any muscle to marshal the ball anywhere and the third quarter came to a close. However, the Bears bullied the Cards to punt the pigskin back to them at the beginning of the fourth quarter. Cal quickly questioned the Cardinal defense and defiantly darted for a score, slicing the Stanford supremacy down to 17-12. On the next Cardinal drive, the Bears blasted the ball carrier who coughed up the oblong oval and Cal collected it, carrying it back for a touchdown to take the lead 18-17. Then Cal calmly converted a two point conversion to stretch their advantage to 20-17. The Bears were ahead for the first time in the contest but carelessly threw an interception to keep the Cardinal chances alive. However, the Bears defense was determined to deny any endeavor by Stanford and shot in front of a Stanford pass intercepting it and running it back deep into Cardinal territory. Cal converted the interception into a touchdown on a daring dive over the defenders into the end zone to stretch the lead to 27-17. Stanford settled for a sixty-one yard Karty kick to slice the Cal lead to seven as the clock expired. The crazed Cal crowd stormed the field and carried off their captain after their victory in The Big Game. 

Cal 27 - Stanford 20.