The Sickos Synopsis for Week 6 - Nebraska/Rutgers, Colorado State/Nevada, Kansas State/Iowa State aka FARMAGEDDON, Utah/UCLA & Illinois/Iowa

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some randomly decided Sickos games in this Old-Timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. Here are the headlines for Week 6.

Oct. 7th - Piscataway, NJ

The large lads from Lincoln left their Husker home to play in Piscataway against the rugged Rutgers Scarlet Knights. The cohesive Cornhuskers club led by their interim head coach were buoyed by their first Big Ten win last week. However, they fell behind as the Scarlet Knights swiftly found success on their opening offensive possession with a timely touchdown, 7-0. The Huskers couldn’t counteract the rambunctious Rutgers defense and the raucous black out crowd, turning the ball over twice in the first half. They hurried to the locker room down 13-0 at halftime hoping to flip the script on rowdy Rutgers. The Cornhuskers corrected their confusion and carefully crafted an opening drive to cut the lead down to 13-7. The boys formerly known as the Blackshirts brandished a bullying and bruising defense and the Cornhuskers caught not 1, not 2, but 3 Rutgers second half interceptions. The second interception spelled success for the Huskers as they cashed in the cross up for a 14-13 lead. The third and final misfire found Rutgers praying for a fortunate fumble on a simple kneel down for the Huskers. The Cornhuskers almost clumsily coughed up the pigskin but carefully covered the ball to clinch the victory. With the win, Nebraska nixed their dubious distinction of losing ten straight one-possession games. 

Nebraska 14 - Rutgers 13

Oct 7th - Reno, NV

Colorado State’s Coach Jay Norvell returned to Reno after deciding to depart the Nevada Wolf Pack head coach position the previous year. Norvell was dubbed the “Green Infection'' for withdrawing from the Wolf Pack and relocating to the Rams. His win less Colorado State crew came to Reno looking for their first win and instantly threw an interception on their first possession. Nevada kindly returned the favor by immediately throwing an interception and the Rams ran it back for a touchdown. On the next Rams drive the QB quizzically and questionably chucked another ill-timed interception. Nevada attempted to drive to counter the Colorado State lead and the Wolfpack running back perplexingly pitched the pigskin towards the posterior placed QB. While the ball balanced in the air, Rams defender picked from midair and nimbly negotiated the now Nevada defenders dashing into the end zone for an unexpected 14-0 Rams lead. Nevada negotiated a lengthy long drawn out 17 play 99 yard drive to cut the Colorado State lead in half before halftime 14-7. Midway through the fiercely fought 4th quarter Nevada notched a tying touchdown and the students set off countless confetti cannons cluttering the camera shots. Colorado State’s QB only had 28 yard passing before their final drive and somehow summoned the strength to string together 41 yards of passing to get the Rams readied in field goal range for a 48 yard kick to win the game. The Rams kicker missed a chance to win but Nevada nicked the kicker who astoundingly acted his way to a timid tumble, toppling tediously over the prone pack players drawing a precarious penalty. The Colorado State kicker capitalized on the second chance, converting the 43 yard kick to give the Rams their first win of the season. 

Colorado State 17 - Nevada 14.

Oct. 8th – Ames, IA

Many great rivalries in college football span generations. This is one of those rivalries. Kansas State and Iowa State first met on the football field in Ames, Iowa in 1917. This meeting is the 106th in the series. Dubbed “Farmageddon” by the fans of these amazing agricultural academies, they administer awesome lessons creating many farmers that feed the Republic. Since that first meeting this series has gone uninterrupted, playing every season. In this meeting the Wildcats of Kansas State came into Ames boasting a ranking of 20 in the AP poll and a 2-game win streak within the Big XII. Iowa State’s Cyclones storm into this game seeking their first win in Conference. Wearing their beautiful black uniforms, the Cyclones approached this game methodically, using stifling defensive domination deterring disputants only allowing more than 21 points once this season. This game would be no exception. Each possession gained a greater meaning as the game progressed to the action-packed conclusion. Deep in the second quarter Adrian Martinez, “9AM” to the Wildcat Whimsicals, searched deep for an open wide receiver. Narrowly avoiding the sack-obsessed Cyclones, careening cautiously carnivorously toward him, throwing deep to a streaking Malik Knowles, who after shaking off two defenders speedily scampered Southbound seeking success but 5th Year Senior Anthony Johnson bearing brutishly between bounty for the Wildcats punches the ball out and the Cyclones recover removing realization and revel in the great defensive play of the Iowa Innovative Immunity guarding the endzone. Even through this defensive struggle the Wildcats scored the final points of the evening after a 10-play drive that set up for the winning field goal kicked correctly carrying the Carnivorous ‘Cats to victory, mimicking the first score in this rivalry that ended 10-7 in Ames in 1917.

Kansas State 10 - Iowa State 9.

Oct 8th - Pasadena, CA

The UCLA Bruins bounded boastfully brandishing a bodacious record of 5-0 welcoming the Utes of Utah coming in from Salt Lake City, seeking to add the first loss in the 2022 campaign of the UCLA Football Team. This plan ended expeditiously exactly evidenced by the Bruins never relinquishing the lead in this game. Dorian Thomson-Robinson started the game’s scoring surreptitiously by scampering soundly into the end-zone giving the Bruins a 7-0 lead. Following a Ute FG, the Hollywood Bears followed up their premier scoring drive with a 6 play 75-yard drive capped with a beautiful rainBow bagged by Mike BoBo. This gave a solid 14-3 lead. However, the Utah Utes, undeterred, unmoved, unbowed under the circumstances rallied rapidly, ripping off a resplendent rack of plays that ended with Tavion Thomas running into the endzone bringing the count to 10-14. Which stood until the end of the first half after trading missed Field Goal attempts. Coming out of the second half the two teams traded touchdowns tremendously tacking on points at a tyrannical rate. The first five drives of the second half ended in the ball crossing the goal line. Just as the game was entering the endgame, the Utes marching their way to get the game back to within one score took a gamble on 4th and 1 guaranteeing the drive continued until Ute QB Cam Rising took a thunderous hit dislodging the Oblate Spheroid for which the entire sport is named being recovered by the Script Helmeted Blue & Gold Bruins. The scooped-up fumble was returned to the Utah one where on the next play the Bruins’ Zach Charbonnet punched in the precious payload to cap off his 22 Carry 198 yard day with his lone score. Scrambling to bring the game back into a winnable position the Utes had a turnover on downs on their next possession. Looking to run out the clock the Bruins taking the field on offense threw a mistimed, misaligned, mis-fortunate motion which was intercepted and taken the distance for a PICK SIX bringing the score to 32-42. However, the Utah Utes went for an onside kick that was recovered by the home team, ending any chance of a comeback and securing the upset for the Bruins of UCLA.

UCLA 42 - Utah 32.

Oct 8th - Champaign, IL

Kirk Ferentz’s fearsome fowl migrated to Champaign to take on Bret Bielema’s boys in a backyard brawl between Big Ten West foes. In the beginning of the battle the Illini inched their way down the field and found the middle of the uprights for a 27 yard field goal. The Hawkeyes offensive unit hopped into the fray and found a field goal of 32 yards to tie the game at 3-3. A bruising brouhaha brewed its way to the surface and both teams notched nice field goals to tie the game 6-6 at halftime. The Illini fans found themselves flabbergasted when a fellow fan took to the Jumbotron to put a proposal of marriage proudly on display in this perplexing predicament of pigskin play. The Committee hopes that Jade was joyous and jubilant in accepting the awkward asking.

Back to the battle at hand, Illinois continuously climbed and crawled into the Iowa red zone and couldn't convert continuously, crushing the Illinois cheerer’s confidence. Iowa almost sealed the game with a fortunate fumble recovery by returning it for a timely touchdown. But alas, the QB’s elbow was down before the ball burst onto the turf. Illinois kicked a clutch field goal to give them the supremacy in the waning moments 9-6. Iowa had one final chance and had to resort to launching laterals and pitching passes back and forth to find the final frontier of the goal line but they finally fumbled the ball out of bounds. 

Illinois 9 - Iowa 6.