The Sickos Six Synopsis - Week 1

Here at the Sickos Committee, we really love the Old-Timey newspaper headlines from college football games from the 1920s and earlier. We wanted to do a weekly recap of some Sickos games in this old-timey style of writing for the fun of it. Just try to imagine an old school news reporter reading this aloud to you on an old transistor radio. We’ll pick six games at random each week and here are the six for this week.

Sept. 3rd - Iowa City, IA

The South Dakota State Jackrabbits migrated to Iowa City to face Kirk Ferentz’s formidable fowl in the form of the Iowa Hawkeyes. A ferocious field position battle ensued with the Hawkeyes performing precision punts pinning South Dakota State in the shadows of their endzone seemingly every single possession. The Jackrabbits scratched their way to a 3-3 stalemate at halftime against the Hawkeyes hard shell of a defense. In the second half, pinpoint punts precipitated the perpetual poor field position for the Jackrabbits. The impressive and illustrious Iowa defense spelled inescapable doom for the jumbled Jackrabbits offense.

Iowa opened the second half scoring by stupendous safety stretching their slim scoreboard superiority to 5-3 over the shaky South Dakota State squad. The Illuminated Iowa defense repeated the stunning safety shenanigans shocking the stunned and subdued set of South Dakota State and took a 7-3 lead late in the 4th Quarter. The Hawkeyes squelched, smothered and squashed the final do or die dalliances for the final four minutes of the fourth quarter. The aghast and appalled audience were awestruck by the acrimonious action they attended.

Iowa 7 - South Dakota State 3.

Sept. 3rd - Boone, NC

Mack Brown’s Tarheel troops took a trip down the road to Boone, North Carolina to face their in-state rival the Appalachian State Mountaineers. The Mountaineers launched their way to an early 21-7 lead. The Tar-Heels agile attack answered App’s lead and ambushed the astonished defense to take the lead 41-21. A surprise see-saw struggle showed up in the 4th quarter. App State fought forcefully with a fervor and ferociousness to get back in the fray tying the game at 49-49. North Carolina and App State battled by going blow for blow in a back alley brawl throwing heavy handed haymakers. The Mountaineers' momentous and miraculous comeback misfired on two different two point conversions and the Tarheels timidly tiptoed to the two point win. 

UNC 63 - App State 61.

Sept 3rd. - Chestnut Hill, MA

Greg Schiano’s Scarlet Knights set forth for a clash with Boston College. A brualizing battle began to brew on the field turf. Rutgers rambled and roamed the field wandering around recklessly from a first and goal at the three yard line, falling far far back to the 43 yard line leading to a 4th and Goal punt.  The Eagles emerged with an early edge taking a 14-6 lead into the break. The Eagles and Knights traded touchdowns to make the game 21-12 midway through the third period. The Knights sliced the scoreline down to six with a late third quarter field goal. Both offenses stagnated to a stalemate until late into the 4th quarter. The Knights knifed through the exasperated and exhausted Eagles defense by relentlessly running rhythmically and rumbling to a 12 play touchdown drive featuring eleven rousing rushes to take the lead. Boston College’s last ditch drive was denied by the defense.

Rutgers 22 - Boston College 21.

Sept 3rd - Athens, Ohio. 

The Florida Atlantic Owls flew into the newly dedicated Frank Solich Field to take on the Ohio Bobcats in a G5 brouhaha. The Owls and Bobcats bandied the ball about the first half with the Owls claiming ownership of the meager margin of 17-13. After halftime, the Bobcats bounded out of the backroom and bounced the ball the breadth of the field for 21 successive points, leaping to a large 34-17 lead. FAU shrunk the margin to 10 but Ohio ostentatiously offset the Owls offensive orchestration with a touchdown of their own. FAU furiously fought back and fragmented the fading former lead on Frank Solich Field down to a field goal. Ohio withstood the late FAU offensive onslaught and found a way to overcome to earn their first win on the season. 

Ohio 41 - FAU 38.

Sept 3rd - Laramie, WY

The Tulsa Golden Hurricane blew into War Memorial Stadium to face the Wyoming Cowboys. The Cowboys were charged with the chance to corral the terrific Tulsa throwing talent after their inopportune Illinois indiscretion last week. The Cowboys and Hurricane swapped scores throughout with the largest lead only being a Tulsa 10 point lead at the beginning of the 4th quarter 34 - 24. The Cowboys comeback was almost complete for the win but a 44 yard field goal found the tippy top of the right upright and came tumbling back to the turf transferring the teams into Overtime.  Both teams traded field goals in the first overtime and the Cowboys converted their kick in the second Overtime. Tulsa’s time to tie was toed terribly and the pigskin was pushed past the left upright. 

Wyoming 40 - Tulsa 37.

Sept 3rd - San Antonio, TX

The Houston Cougars drove 3 hours west on Interstate 10 to San Antonio to take on the UTSA Roadrunners in the Alamodome. Earlier in the week, the Coogs coach claimed the Alamodome was audibly augmented and didn’t really reflect the rowdy Roadrunners rooters’ roars and reverberations. The Roadrunners offense rolled out to a 21-7 lead midway through the 3rd Quarter but ran into rough rocky roads in the second half. The Coogs chipped away at the fourteen point lead and eventually took the lead 24-21 with only 23 ticks left on the clock. Not resigned to their fate, the rapidly racing Roadrunners ran 55 yards and converted a 37 yard field goal to send the game into Overtime. A Texas Two Step of overtimes left both teams tangled and tied and teed up for a Third OT. The Coogs converted their two point conversion leaving the Roadrunners in a do-or-die two point try. UTSA’s ultimate undertaking was unsuccessful. 

Houston 37 - UTSA 35.