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Here at the Sickos Committee, we’re big fans of weird ballpark and stadium food combinations. We love the gigantic portions or weird combinations of food and even things that seem really humanly impossible to eat while seated for a game. So in that spirit, our resident weird food connoisseur, the Corn Correspondent (Corn-espondent, as so many of you wish we called it, but damn it is too difficult to say out loud), Andy, will be doing a weekly food blog where he combines ingredients from two different teams randomly selected each week and gives you the recipe here each Friday during the season. Myself, Commish, will be adding in photo captions and other things to the blog. Here is the Week Ten Edition. Let’s see what’s on the menu.

Nebraska At Penn State

People who followed me last year might remember when I made Skyline Chili Runzas for the Nebraska vs. Ohio State game. A mashup of Cincinnati’s controversial “chili” and Nebraska’s famous bread pocket. I could have done that again this year, and it would have been even more accurate when Nebraska and Cincinnati played. However, I didn’t want to repeat myself, and the NU/Cincy game was played on a Thursday instead of a Saturday. Instead, I went with something different during the first week of food fusions this year. But I kept the option of doing a Runza opening in case I found a better opportunity.

Week 13 gave me the opportunity. Nebraska is playing at Penn State. Matt Rhule was heavily rumored to be moving to Happy Valley after this season before he signed an extension to stay in the Great Plains. Both schools will be playing their backup quarterbacks. There are plenty of options for chaos, and I wanted to honor that with a meal. I’ll admit that I’m taking some liberties with my Penn State offering. I know that State College is 3 hours away from Philadelphia. But that’s okay; we’re still going to be Pennsylvania in spirit, even if we’re fudging the geography. Without further ado, I present to you…

Philly Cheesesteak Runza

(Author’s note: when I made this, I didn’t realize that the Philly Cheesesteak Runza was also available for sale at Runza Restaurants. I know it’s a seasonal food, and I guess they also decided now’s the season! Great minds think alike!)

The most important part of the runza, and really the only part that needs a recipe, is the dough. For that, I rely on My Farmhouse Table. She has never steered me wrong. Well, almost never. I read the recipe a few times before starting, and somehow I still failed to follow it correctly. The recipe said to start with 1 ½ cups of flour and then add more as you mix all the dough together. Well, in a moment of autopilot, I accidentally dumped all the flour into the bowl at once. It ended up working out; I just had to knead the dough together a bit longer as it was staying sticky. After about 10 minutes of kneading by hand, it was finally in a workable state, and I could set it aside while I worked on the filling.

This is where you get the opportunity to go off vibes and make it our own. For my Philly cheesesteak filling, I decided to keep it classic with bell peppers, onions, and thinly shaved steak. No need to mess with classic perfection today.

The first step was to cook the vegetables. If there’s one culinary flaw I have, it’s that I will almost always crowd the pan when I’m cooking. Yes, I know that you don’t get a sear that way, and yes, I know that it will steam the vegetables instead. But this isn’t a steak I’m trying to crust; I’ll get there later. I wasn’t too worried. I just wanted them to start to soften and the onions to turn clear.

After the vegetables were cooked, I transferred them to a bowl and set them aside while I worked on the star of the show, the steak. I added the beef to the same pan and sautéed it until everything was nicely browned. I added the vegetables back in and got ready to season my mixture. I didn’t measure the spices at all. Instead, following my heart, I added salt, black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper, and some MSG. A nice healthy stir made sure everything was mixed together and ready to be served up. I could have grabbed a hoagie and eaten this as a sandwich, and I would have been happy!

The filling is cooked and cooled down to a manageable temperature, and the dough has had plenty of time to rise into a puffy ball. It’s time to make some runzas! I portioned out parts of the dough into 12 equal-ish balls. One at a time, I rolled them flat into vaguely rectangular shapes. They didn’t need to be perfect, just big enough to hold all the filling.

I added a couple of spoonfuls of the meat and veggie filling to the dough and then had to make an important decision. What kind of cheese do I want? Am I a whiz or a provolone person? I did half of them with provolone while I pondered the whiz. Then I remembered I still have some leftover cheese sauce from My Week 10 Horseshoe Sandwich! This should be close enough to Cheese Whiz, right? Let’s find out!

I folded the dough over the filling, pinching and sealing the edges to hold everything in while they baked. Placing them seam-side down onto a baking sheet and baking at 350°F, I waited until they were golden brown, about 20-25 minutes. Then a brief wait to let them cool down, and it was time to dig in.

Overall they were pretty good, but there was some room for improvement. The thinly shaved steak mixed with the spices tasted just like what I remember from the cheesesteaks I’ve had in the past. However, the eggs in the cheese sauce I used started to scramble and firm up in the oven, so I didn’t get a good melty cheese. The provolone ones were a lot better but still could have used more cheese. I only used one slice for each runza, and I think 2 slices would have been ideal.

If I had to be honest with myself and maintain the integrity of the Corn Correspondent Rating System, I'd give these a respectable but not remarkable 3.5 out of 5 Corns. Next time: more cheese, and use an actual Cheez Whiz.

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