The Curling Battle of the Sexes

Our Canadian Correspondent Joey was so graciously allowed to cover the special event, The Curling Battle of the Sexes. It was a special one-time event, and Joey kindly wrote a blog about it. I know we’re supposed to be College Football based here, but it’s the off-season, so enjoy the blog from Joey. Also, I am going to leave in all the Canadian spellings of words because I enjoy it - Commish

A few weeks ago, I went to the first ever Curling Battle of the Sexes, which was an event that was a ton of fun, had the best athletes in the world in their sport, but more importantly, was a proof of concept for an ancient sport that still somehow feels like it’s just stretching its legs when it comes to mainstream ubiquity.

I did the Southern Ontario Pilgrimage, which is to say I drove to Aldershot, Ontario, to board the Lakeshore West Line to Union Station in Toronto. A journey every young man from Oxford, Brant, Elgin, or Middlesex Counties must make at least once in their lives. I was heading to the Maple Leaf Gardens, the former home of the Toronto Maple Leafs. The former ice level is now a grocery store, but the upper deck remains. They’ve put in a new ice level where the former second tier of seats ended, Toronto Metro University now plays their home hockey and basketball games. When I got there, however, the ice was carpeted and pebbled, set up for the Grand Slam of Curling Players’ Championship later that week. I am a huge curling fan, but by no means an expert, and hadn’t been to a live curling session in about a decade, so just getting to the venue was an absolute blessing and honour.

When I arrived to the venue, already a cathedral of Canadian sport and a bit of a maze to enter because of its history moving the playing surface 3 floors up, I was immediately hit with a wave of impostor syndrome so fierce I nearly collapsed on the spot. Out of the first 7 or so people I see as I enter the building, there are 5 Olympians. Stumbling my way past the USA men’s team and the Japanese women’s team, I did eventually make it to where I needed to go to get my accreditation, which was right next to the locker room of Team Mouat, the defending Men’s World Champions.

The event was being put on by The Curling Group, a group of investors who recently purchased the Grand Slam of Curling and are attempting to inject some new life into curling’s aging and increasingly insular fan base. Part of that is hosting events in the United States, and holding special events in the future, such as the one that I went to, the Rio Mare Battle of the Sexes. The Men’s World Champion, Scotland’s Team Mouat, against the Women’s World Champion, Canada’s Team Homan.

This event was to take place under the Skins Game ruleset, which I didn’t know much about as a casual curling fan that before this year only really paid attention during Brier and Tournament of Hearts seasons, so I flagged down Podcaster and former Pro Curler John Cullen to explain it for me.

Meeting John was honestly a highlight of the day, as I’ve been listening to his podcasts for years at this point, and what made it seem even more like one of those dreams where your brain just dumps everything that you were thinking of that day, just a few feet from where that interview was taking place, even more Olympians (the Korean Women’s Team) were getting some practice shots in. John was one of the two celebrity coaches for the Men’s team, and just off-screen during that interview was a 7-foot tall ginger man who I really should have put two-and-two together before it was announced that it was NBA Champ Matt Bonner.

The crowd started to file in to the historic building, and I noticed staff setting up a huge inflatable tunnel, which they did in fact set up backwards at first, which definitely shows that the big pomp and circumstance is a new thing for this sport. Seeing players slide out of the tunnel to the crowd was very fun to watch.

There was a little bit of an excited and concerned murmur throughout the crowd as the tunnel was being set up, which led to the announcer reassuring the crowd, “Don’t worry, we’ll take the tunnel down after the introductions. It won’t block your view!” which lead half the crowd to laugh and half the crowd to sigh in relief.

The game itself was for a good cause, Homan playing for the Sandra Schmirler Foundation, and Mouat playing to raise money for a family friend’s fight against cancer, but the game itself (which Mouat won for the men $10,000-$2,000 thanks to grabbing the maguffin last $6,000 available in the last two ends.) was really secondary to something a sport with an aging, overly traditional, and serious fanbase is trying for basically the first time. A spectacle. The new ownership group is trying gimmicks. Which in any other sport would be gasp-worthy and detestable, but in an insanely regional and niche sport like curling, is not only needed but overdue. Let me be clear: “gimmick” is not a bad word to me. I love All-Star Games, I love pre-season tournaments, I love random format screws, and I love silly stuff. We’re the Sickos Committee. That’s kind of our whole deal.

(Speaking of All-Star Games, The Grand Slam of Curling put on their first one ever last week in Nashville on a curling sheet set up inside a restaurant Marc Bulger owns. Again. Gimmicks, but positive.)

There were activities for kids all over the place, including a mini inflatable curling sheet that I got to try my hand at.

As the event was a pre-show for the Player’s Championship to follow, there were advertisements for the different off-ice events that were taking place over the week, under the branding of “Apres Curl” to try and capture the vibe of athletes partying together like an Apres Ski. The highlight of which was the third edition of a singing competition between athletes, support staff and journalists. Italy’s Third Mattia Giovanella won by singing ACDC’s You Shook Me All Night Long. Which beat out my personal favourite, John Cullen singing Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit.

Bringing the sport into this new era, kicking and screaming, is going to come with some hiccups and belated growing pains, though. Those growing pains being as belated as they are meant that a worldwide live-streamed audience saw Matt Bonner walk onto the ice when he wasn’t supposed to during a timeout, several technical glitches, and the worst/the best halftime show of all time. Ladies and Gentlemen, It’s Tuna Time.

You can take your Prince in the rain, you can take your Kendrick, you can take your Beyonce turning all the lights out in the Superdome. I saw 13 Olympians calmly eating tuna out of a can as the announcer hyped up the crowd. I think I know who got the better show here.

I kid, but also not really, because what we saw that night in Toronto wasn’t the peak. It wasn’t a finished product, but it was the start of an entire sport taking steps to change themselves for the better, and using their unique strengths (unparalleled athlete access during the games, down-to-earth personalities, a major worldwide showcase every four years, and a sport-wide eagerness to grow the game). When you're selling out the most famous arena in the country is just your first steps in your new era, I would say you are definitely starting out on the right foot.

Also, if you were curious and wanted more detail on how each end broke down, there is a video here and live blog of the event.