We made it, the college football season starting BUT we still got two conferences to go.
In previous years we’ve given you many fun facts about long snappers, punters, and #69s. We’ve tried to predict what level a team would be on the Sickos Weather System scale for the entire year based on vibes. This year, I wanted to try something different.
So for the previews, we’re going to do something fun like we always do. We’re going to give you a random school football statistical record, the birthday of the football team, by using the first-ever game in program history and then going to give you the team’s horoscope based on that birth date, which we just made up.
Will these previews help you get ready for the season? Of course they will!
What’s better than learning random facts about teams and then pairing it with a horoscope based on a made-up birthday we just created? Actually breaking down stats and transfers, recruiting metrics, coaching skills, schemes, and schedules? What? That’s crazy. Who does that? 😉
WELCOME TO THE 2026-27 SICKOS FOOTBALL FORTUNES: THE STARS PREDICT YOUR SEASONS.

SEC

Alabama
Birthdate: November 11, 1892 vs. Birmingham High School in Birmingham, AL (Lakeview Park). 56-0 win
Random School Football Record: Most QB Hurries in a game - 9, Derrick Thomas, 10/22/1988 vs Penn State
Horoscope: You may get stressed and agitated. You may also deal with problems without thinking first. During this short period of time there is a risk that you will not be as popular as usual. Try not to take it too personally. It is advisable to avoid any changes and starting new things. There may also be unexpected changes to your routine.
Arkansas
Birthdate: October 13, 1894 vs. Fort Smith High School in Fayetteville, AR. 42-0 win (as Arkansas Industrial University) (those INDUSTRIAL HOGS)
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive passes without an INT - 184, Tyler Wilson, 2011
Horoscope: You may have an internal conflict between logic and your emotions. Beware of communicating your feelings during this period as they may be misunderstood by others. You may also misinterpret what others are saying, especially younger people and siblings. Therefore, avoid communication noise. You may also experience problems with vehicles and electronics, they may for example require repair. But try not to worry about these problems, they will soon pass.
Auburn
Birthdate: February 20, 1892 vs. the University of Georgia in Atlanta, GA (Piedmont Park). 10-0 win
Random School Football Record: Longest drive by time of possession - 10:55, 10/1/2016 vs ULM (17 plays, 86 yards, turnover on downs) (ULM MENTIONED)
Horoscope: Beware of biased decision making and procrastination. Your emotions can change very quickly, and the excessive imagination that this transit brings may not always be beneficial. It is a good time for conversations with others, inventing, new ideas and sharing. You are very intellectually receptive, but your mind may be restless. It is also a good time to ask for advice or consultation.

Just thought you all should know this is Gene Chizik’s Wikipedia photo
Florida
Birthdate: October 13, 1906 vs. Gainesville Athletic Club in Gainesville, FL (The Baseball Park). 16-6 win
Random School Football Record: Best turnover margin in a season - +24, 2008
Horoscope: You feel positive and confident. However, you should be careful not to lose contact with reality. This transit is good for relationships with superiors, so if you want to ask for a salary increase or promotion, do it now. It is also a good time to invest money.
Georgia
Birthdate: January 30, 1892 vs. Mercer University in Athens, GA (Herty Field). 50-0 win
Random School Football Record: Most rushing yards in a game - 502, 1974 vs South Carolina
Horoscope: You will be especially interested in your personal goals, expectations and aspirations. You will think about which things and attitudes do not serve you in the long term and you will try to replace them with new ideals and values.
Kentucky
Birthdate: November 12, 1881 vs. Kentucky University (now Transylvania University) in Lexington, KY. 7 ¼-1 win (as Kentucky State College):
Random School Football Record: Most receiving yards by a freshman - 628, Barion Brown, 2022
Horoscope: The Sun shines directly on you. It's a natural fresh start—a time when you’re called to step forward with clarity, courage, and presence. Your identity, your self-expression, your vitality—all come into focus. Others are more likely to notice you, and you may feel a renewed sense of confidence and drive.
LSU
Birthdate: November 25, 1893 vs. Tulane University in New Orleans, LA (Sportsman’s Park). 34-0 loss (The Battle for the Rag was their first game)
Random School Football Record: Most all-purpose yards in a game - 376, Kevin Faulk, 1996 vs Houston (Kevin Faulk ruled so much)
Horoscope: You’re more sensitive to disorganization or tension at work, so small improvements will go a long way. If stress arises, take breaks and don’t expect perfection. Emotions may show up through the body—so listen carefully. Practical tip: Prioritize hydration, stretch your body, tidy your workspace, and don’t be afraid to say no to overload.
Mississippi State
Birthdate: November 16, 1895 at Southwestern Baptist University (now Union University) in Jackson, TN. 21-0 loss (as Mississippi A&M College):
Random School Football Record: Most 2-point conversions in a game - 5, 10/10/1959 vs Arkansas State
Horoscope: Honest and diligent effort will bring you results. You will be more patient and willing to wait for the fruits of your labor. In your work you will be methodical and strategic, and you will not make even the slightest mistakes. This transit is especially useful when your work involves analysis.

THE INTERLOCK IS BACK
Missouri
Birthdate: October 20, 1890 vs. “Picked Team” in Columbia, MO. 22-6 win
Random School Football Record: Most pass attempts in a debut start - 73, Jeff Handy, 1992 vs Oklahoma State
Horoscope: You will have a sense of life and there is harmony between your soul and your body. It is now easy for you to cooperate with others and maintain good relationships, mainly because you're more open and honest with others. If this transit occurs at night, you will sleep well.
Oklahoma
Birthdate: December 14, 1895 vs. Oklahoma City town team in Norman, OK Territory. 34-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most tackles in a game by a DB - 20, Rodney Rideau, 10/2/1999 vs Notre Dame
Horoscope: You will have to deal with unexpected changes in your schedule. Avoid being overly temperamental and indecisive, because it can lower your popularity and cause bad business decisions. You may feel lonely and stressed out. Therefore, it is not a good time for any new beginnings.
Ole Miss
Birthdate: November 11, 1893 vs. Southwestern Baptist University (now Union University) in Oxford, MS. 56-0 win
Random School Football Record: Lowest completion percentage allowed in a season - 31.8%, 1950
Horoscope: Your perception and reality will come into conflict. You may feel overly self-confident. Your enthusiasm can degenerate into disappointment. This may make you feel pessimistic and helpless. You may have the tendency to exaggerate in all areas of life, so beware of overindulgence. It is not a good time for public relations and legal matters. There may also be unexpected obstacles and inconveniences, such as unexpected expenses.
South Carolina
Birthdate: December 24, 1892 vs. Furman University in Charleston, SC (City Baseball Park). 44-0 loss (as South Carolina College)
Random School Football Record: Longest interception return - 102 yards, Mel Baxley, 9/15/1973 vs Georgia Tech
Horoscope: You will go deep into the past and examine how your experiences have affected you. If you work well with this transit, it is possible to experience a transformation that will push you mentally and help you close a thought cycle that no longer serves you. It is a good time to meditate and relax in solitude.
Tennessee
Birthdate: November 21, 1891 vs. Sewanee: The University of the South in Chattanooga, TN. 24-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most punts forced in a game - 15, 1946 vs Duke
Horoscope: You feel restless, you want to express your individuality and stand out in the crowd. Your plans will be fulfilled faster than you expect, and new opportunities may arise. You will be full of new ideas and new perspectives.

Rest in Peace Dolly
Texas
Birthdate: November 30, 1893 at Dallas Athletic Club in Dallas, TX (Dallas Fair Grounds) (yes, probably that one). 18-16 win
Random School Football Record: Longest field goal in a bowl game - 55 yards, Russell Erxleben, 1975 Bluebonnet Bowl (Also, Russell was taken by the Saints in the first round of the NFL Draft with the 11th pick, highest drafted kicker/punter ever. Did it work out for the Saints? Of course not!)
Horoscope: You may have an internal conflict between logic and your emotions. Beware of communicating your feelings during this period as they may be misunderstood by others. You may also misinterpret what others are saying, especially younger people and siblings. Therefore, avoid communication noise.
Texas A&M
Birthdate: October 20, 1894 at the University of Texas at Austin in Austin, TX (Hyde Park). 38-0 loss (damn, their first game was a loss to the Horns??)
Random School Football Record: Most passing yards in a game by a freshman - Nick Starkel, 499, 12/29/2017 vs Wake Forest
Horoscope: Feelings of pragmatism and sober thinking will prevail. Instead of having fun, you will prefer to keep to your routine and do your duties. You will have a great self-discipline that allows you to complete your tasks quickly and efficiently. Asking for advice and support of older people will be beneficial to you.
Vanderbilt
Birthdate: November 27, 1890 vs. Peabody Normal College (now Vanderbilt Peabody College) in Nashville, TN (Athletic Park). 40-0 win
Random School Football Record: Most tackles in a game - 37, Chris Gaines, 1987 vs Tulane (This is a different Chris Gaines, not the alter ego of Garth Brooks)
Horoscope: You may have to deal with problems related to your plans and goals. The sun will uncover any mistakes that you made, and you will have the chance to reconsider your decisions and make changes. Beware of relationships with your superiors and of your big ego.

Sun Belt

Appalachian State
Birthdate: September 29, 1928 at Mountain City in Mountain City, TN. 26-0 loss (as Appalachian State Normal School):
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive completions - 28, Richie Williams, 2004 vs Furman
Horoscope: Today brings a thirst for inspiration—through learning, travel, or spiritual insight. You may feel emotionally uplifted by a new idea or philosophical conversation. If restlessness hits, try stepping out of your routine or immersing yourself in a perspective that uplifts you.
Coastal Carolina:
Birthdate: September 6, 2003 vs. Newberry College in Conway, SC (Brooks Stadium). 21-14 win
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive home wins - 13, 2002-2004
Horoscope: You may feel emotional about your career or long-term direction. Acknowledge your accomplishments and tend to your public image with care. It’s also a good time to nurture professional relationships or step into a leadership role—softly, but with clarity.
Georgia Southern
Birthdate: 1924 vs. South Georgia State College. 6-0 win (as Georgia Normal School):
Random School Football Record: Longest field goal - 63 yards, Tim Foley, 1987 vs James Madison
Horoscope: Today brings a thirst for inspiration—through learning, travel, or spiritual insight. You may feel emotionally uplifted by a new idea or philosophical conversation. If restlessness hits, try stepping out of your routine or immersing yourself in a perspective that uplifts you.
Georgia State
Birthdate: September 2, 2010 vs. Shorter University in Atlanta, GA (Georgia Dome). 41-7 win
Random School Football Record: Most pass attempts in a game - 53, Drew Little, 2010 vs Old Dominion
Horoscope: You will be full of energy and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to put this energy to good use. Your initiative will not meet any resistance and thus it is a good time to start a new project, business, hobby or activity. You’ll feel confident and secure but you might seem a little too pushy. Try to control your temper.
James Madison
Birthdate: October 7, 1972 vs. Shepherd University freshmen in Harrisonburg, VA. 6-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most tackles in a game - 26, Clyde Hoy, 11/7/1981 vs Towson & 10/4/1980 vs Merchant Marine
Horoscope: During this transit you will maintain positive thinking in all situations. You will be very giving and do good deeds. You will give others the impression that you are generous and wise.
Marshall
Birthdate: November 14, 1895 vs. Ashland High School in Huntington, WV (Central Field). 36-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most total receivers catching a pass in a game - 16, 2021 vs NC Central
Horoscope: Your schedule will be packed with events, which will be very satisfying. You will be more curious than usual and perceive life from a different perspective. You may use electronics for communication more frequently. You may feel more nervous than you usually do.
Old Dominion
Birthdate: September 26, 1930 at Suffolk High School in Suffolk, VA (Suffolk H.S. Stadium). 7-0 loss (as the Norfolk Division of the College of William & Mary):
Random School Football Record: Most fumbles forced in a game - 5, 11/12/2016 vs Southern Miss
Horoscope: You are swimming in deep emotional waters. This is a powerful day for introspection, transformation, and releasing what no longer serves. Issues around intimacy, shared finances, or personal power may arise, asking for deeper honesty. Don’t fear the shadows—they hold insight.

Hi Big Blue
Arkansas State
Birthdate: November 24, 1911 at Paragould High School in Paragould, AR. 11-6 loss (as First District Agricultural School):
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive 100-yard rushing games - 6, Antonio Warren, 2005
Horoscope: You may get stressed and agitated. You may also deal with problems without thinking first. During this short period of time there is a risk that you will not be as popular as usual. Try not to take it too personally. It is advisable to avoid any changes and starting new things. There may also be unexpected changes to your routine.
The Ragin’ Cajuns
Birthdate: December 21, 1901 at St. Landry High School in Opelousas, LA. 6-5 win (as Southwestern Louisiana Industrial Institute):
Random School Football Record: Most passes intercepted in a game - 7, 1970 vs ULM (Mentioned)
Horoscope: This transit tests your approach towards others and how you deal with them. If you are too aggressive, the universe will gently show you how you can change your behaviour for the better. You may be encouraged to get over your limits or shyness and discover your new side. However, ensure that you do not only consider your needs. Beware of people who are attracted to you only because of your appearance.
ULM (mentioned)

Birthdate: October 10, 1931 vs. Louisiana College freshmen (now Louisiana Christian University) in Monroe, LA (Forsythe Park). 20-0 win (as Ouachita Parish Junior College):
Random School Football Record: Most receptions in a game - 16, Jackie Harris, 1988 vs Lamar
Horoscope: You might feel more motivated to work hard and earn more, but this isn’t just about hustle—it’s about grounding into a sense of stability and inner strength. Your self-esteem is closely tied to your accomplishments right now, so do take pride in your efforts—but also remember: your worth isn’t defined by your paycheck.
Louisiana Tech
Birthdate: October 28, 1901 vs. Louisiana State University in Ruston, LA. 57-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most sacks in a game - 4.5, Houston Bates, 12/26/2014 vs Illinois
Horoscope: You will have a bright and clear mind that will help you feel more confident. This will make it easier for you to promote your ideas and communicate with a larger group of people or with your superiors. You will easily find good arguments and you can achieve mutually beneficial compromises and plans. You may be sent on a business trip or be put in charge of learning something new. LIKE LEARNING HOW TO GET TASED AT A BOWL GAME.
South Alabama
Birthdate: September 5, 2009 vs. Hargrave Military Academy in Mobile, AL. 30-13 win
Random School Football Record: Most career punting yards - 9,232, Jack Brooks, 2019-2022
Horoscope: This transit will make you feel happy and satisfied. You will enjoy even the slightest pleasure and pass this feeling on to others. Nothing will upset you.
Southern Miss
Birthdate: October 13, 1912 vs. Hattiesburg Boy Scouts in Hattiesburg, MS (Kamper Park). 30-0 win (as Mississippi Normal College):
Random School Football Record: Most fumbles recovered in a season - 27, 1977
Horoscope: You will feel satisfied with your life. Any tension in relationships is likely to disappear and you will be able to focus on maintaining peace. You will also benefit from a walk in a place where you feel relaxed and comfortable. Communication with others, studying and developing new ideas will make you happy.
Troy

Shout out to our friend Ben Whitehead who made his own Troy Mentioned meme after our ULM Mentioned meme. TROY MENTIONED
Birthdate: November 5, 1909, against Luverne High School, ending in a 0–0 scoreless tie.
Random School Football Record: Fewest interceptions thrown in a season - 4, 2014
Horoscope: People will accept and respect you more. You should therefore use this transit to improve your personal relationships. Other people may ask you for emotional or material support. During this transit you should remember to also do something for yourself.
I hope you enjoyed them but understand if some of you didn’t like your horoscopes… I am sorry, I consulted the stars and you can chose to believe in the stars or not.
It was fun for me to see horoscopes but through the lens of football terms in my head.
Also, if you’re curious what sign your program is on the astrology calendar, they are likely one of these five:
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Libra: September 23 – October 22
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
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