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We’re less than four weeks away (I’m going to forget to change this in the middle of writing all of these and you will remind me) from the college football season starting. It’s a fun sentence to type, but this makes me realize we needed to do some conference previews. This year we’re a bit limited on time due to various circumstances, but we wanted to do something fun for FCS and FBS conference previews. In previous years we’ve given you many fun facts about long snappers, punters, and #69s. We’ve tried to predict what level a team would be on the Sickos Weather System scale for the entire year based on vibes. This year, I wanted to try something different.

So for the previews, we’re going to do something fun like we always do. We’re going to give you a random school football statistical record, the birthday of the football team, by using the first-ever game in program history and then going to give you the team’s horoscope based on that birth date, which we just made up.

Will these previews help you get ready for the season? Of course they will!

What’s better than learning random facts about teams and then pairing it with a horoscope based on a made-up birthday we just created? Actually breaking down stats and transfers, recruiting metrics, coaching skills, schemes, and schedules? What? That’s crazy. Who does that? 😉

WELCOME TO THE 2026-27 SICKOS FOOTBALL FORTUNES: THE STARS PREDICT YOUR SEASONS.

Pioneer League

Butler

  • Birthdate: October 29th, 1887, 48-6 win vs Purdue (Sorry Purdue fans)

  • Random School Football Record: Most combined pass attempts in a game - 109, Butler (70) vs Dartmouth (39), 9/21/2013

  • Horoscope: Let yourself dissolve gently. What you release now makes room for rebirth.

Davidson

  • Birthdate: October 19th, 1896, 12-4 loss vs Charlotte YMCA

  • Random School Football Record: Most FG attempts in a game - 5, Daniel Hanks, 9/21/2002 vs Newberry

  • Horoscope: This transit tests your approach towards others and how you deal with them. If you are too aggressive, the universe will gently show you how you can change your behavior for the better. Ensure that you do not only consider your needs. Beware of people who are attracted to you only because of your appearance.

Dayton

  • Birthdate: 1905, 6-5 loss vs Riverdale (Struggled to find exact date, competing as St. Mary’s Institute)

  • Random School Football Record: Most career punt returns - Nick Ruhe, 77, 2003-2007

  • Horoscope: Honest and diligent effort will bring you results. You will be more patient and willing to wait for the fruits of your labor. In your work you will be methodical and strategic, and you will not make even the slightest mistakes. This transit is especially useful when your work involves analysis.

Drake

  • Birthdate: September 2nd, 1893, 0-0 tie vs Des Moines High School

  • Random School Football Record: Most plays in a season - 919, 1982

  • Horoscope: Your mind is working at full speed and you can approach things with clarity and logic. Use this transit to make important decisions and to plan future activities. If you are traveling somewhere, there will be no obstacles.

Marist

  • Birthdate: September 16th, 1978, 31-0 loss vs Plattsburgh

  • Random School Football Record: Most KR yards in a game - 168, Wale Onakoya, 2011 vs Georgetown

  • Horoscope: Expect more intensity in relationships. This is especially true for people with whom you have a conflict. There may be a tug of war, manipulation, and attempts to evoke feelings of guilt and jealousy. These games can be initiated by either you or the other party. Try to distance yourself from this behavior and focus on more positive aspects of your life.

Morehead State

  • Birthdate: 1927, 31-0 loss vs Morris Harvey (now Charleston) (no exact date found)

  • Random School Football Record: Longest blocked punt return - 27 yards, Harry Lyles, 1968 vs Kentucky State (Definitely not ESPN’s Harry Lyles)

  • Horoscope: People will accept and respect you more. You should therefore use this transit to improve your personal relationships. Other people may ask you for emotional or material support. During this transit you should remember to also do something for yourself. It is the perfect time for beauty treatments, decorating your home, and changing your image. You will be rather passive at work. However, sometimes there is no harm in slowing down and pampering yourself.

Presbyterian (The. Blue. Hose. win in different Area Codes)

  • Birthdate: October 13th, 1913, 58-0 win vs Anderson Fitting

  • Random School Football Record: Most Pick-Sixes in a season for a player - 2, Jeffrey Smyth, 2020

  • Horoscope: Your perception and reality will come into conflict. You may feel overly self-confident. Your enthusiasm can degenerate into disappointment. This may make you feel pessimistic and helpless. You may have the tendency to exaggerate in all areas of life, so beware of overindulgence.

  • Area Codes Won in Last Year by The. Blue. Hose: 478, 864, 821, 317, 463, 651

San Diego

  • Birthdate: September 29th, 1956, 46-0 loss vs Air Force

  • Random School Football Record: Fewest penalties in a season - 37, 1998

  • Horoscope: You feel independent and ready for a change. You want to try something new. You may oppose conventions and you need a change of routine. Unexpected things can happen, either positive or negative.

St. Thomas (MN)

  • Birthdate: October 5th, 1904, 47-0 loss vs Minnesota

  • Random School Football Record: Most recent safety - 9/24/2022 vs Lincoln (CA)

  • Horoscope: Feelings of pragmatism and sober thinking will prevail. Instead of having fun, you will prefer to keep to your routine and do your duties. You will have a great self-discipline that allows you to complete your tasks quickly and efficiently. Asking for advice and support of older people will be beneficial to you.

O'Shaughnessy Stadium - Just love the purple track around the field.

Stetson

  • Birthdate: November 22nd, 1901, 6-0 win vs Florida Agricultural College

  • Random School Football Record: Most blocked kicks in a season - 3, Donald Payne, 2016

  • Horoscope: During this transit, you will feel the desire for adventure and novel experiences. You will not be too patient and persistent, and if unexpected problems arise, you may react with irritation. On the other hand, this transit may also bring unexpected experiences that will put a smile on your face.

Valparaiso

  • Birthdate: October 4th, 1919, 26-0 win vs Chicago YMCA

  • Random School Football Record: Most passed intercepted in a game - 7, 11/15/1969 vs Wheaton

  • Horoscope: You may have to deal with problems related to your plans and goals. The sun will uncover any mistakes that you made, and you will have the chance to reconsider your decisions and make changes. Beware of relationships with your superiors and of your big ego.

The Southern Conference aka The SoCon

Chattanooga

  • Birthdate: 10/29/1904, 17-0 win vs Athens (now Tennessee Wesleyan)

  • Random School Football Record: Most yards per catch in a game - 61.7, Larry Stokes, 9/29/1973 vs Louisiana (3 Rec/183 yards)

  • Horoscope: This transit supports personal initiatives—anything that begins now carries a strong imprint of your will and individuality. Launching a new project? Starting a business? Rebranding your social media presence? This is prime time.

East Tennessee State

  • Birthdate: November 13, 1920 vs. Carson-Newman College

  • Random School Football Record: Most rushing TDs in a game - 4, Piggy Nolan (1957 vs Maryville) and Dean Bailey (1933 vs Maryville)

  • Horoscope: Use your ability to think logically and clearly during this transit. If you are facing problems that require concentration and discipline, it is a good time to begin solving them. Although these activities may not be too much fun, solving them will pay off in the long run. Other people may see you as reserved and quiet because you are too concentrated on practical issues.

  • This highlight lives in my head for ETSU.

Furman

  • Birthdate: 12/14/1889 5-1 loss vs Wofford

  • Random School Football Record: Most tackles as a sophomore - 145, Orlando Ruff, 1996

  • Horoscope: You will feel a strong desire to break away from your daily routine and this urge will persist if you do not. This transit will give you the courage to free yourself and do things you would normally be reluctant to do. This feeling will be very strong. Avoid being the subject of controversy.

Mercer

  • Birthdate: 1/30/1892, 50-0 loss vs Georgia

  • Random School Football Record: Most career assisted tackles - 226, Isaac Dowling, 2020-24

  • Horoscope: You will have a sense of life and there is harmony between your soul and your body. It is now easy for you to cooperate with others and maintain good relationships, mainly because you're more open and honest with others.

Samford

  • Birthdate: 10/26/1902, 6-0 win vs Marion University

  • Random School Football Record: Highest punting average in a game - 54.2 yards, 2009 vs Chattanooga

  • Horoscope: You will feel the desire to follow your heart. You will be guided by what seems right to you. However, be aware that your evaluations are now based on your emotions. Whether it is a person, thing or opportunity, you will do all you can to get it. However, do not forget to enjoy life.

Tennessee Tech

  • Birthdate: 1922, 6-6 tie vs Cumberland (could not find an exact date after some digging)

  • Random School Football Record: Most fumbles caused in a game - 11, 1991 vs Austin Peay

  • Horoscope: Your relationships with others will be based on mutual exchange. This means that you will give and receive equally. You will feel comfortable with yourself, and this self-esteem will radiate outward. You will behave more spontaneously than usual.

The Citadel

  • Birthdate: October 14th, 1905 vs. Porter Military Academy

  • Random School Football Record: Longest Parents’ Day win streak - 8, 1978-1985

  • Horoscope: Brilliant ideas can suddenly come to your mind. However, stay flexible and objective. Double check all the facts.

VMI

  • Birthdate: November 2, 1873 vs Washington and Lee

  • Random School Football Record: Most 2-point conversions in a game - 4, 1967 vs Davidson

  • Horoscope: If you need to do research, search for something, or just focus on your tasks, this transit will help you achieve good results. However, you will not be happy with easy answers. You will search until you find the true cause of a problem. If you are traveling, you can expect an experience that will lead to enlightenment. (Also, their mascot is MOE THE KANGAROO)

Western Carolina

  • Birthdate: 10/3/1931, 12-7 win vs Sylva Collegiate Institute

  • Random School Football Record: Longest TD pass - 94 yards, Mike Pusey, 11/28/78 vs VMI

  • Horoscope: It’s a time to reconnect with what truly supports you—financially, emotionally, and physically. You may find yourself reassessing your budget, streamlining your expenses, or setting new income goals. It’s also an excellent moment to reflect on what you truly value—not just in terms of possessions, but in terms of how you spend your energy and what you believe you deserve.

Wofford

  • Birthdate: 12/14/1889 5-1 win vs Furman

  • Random School Football Record: Most points in a quarter - 36, 1990 vs ETSU, 4th quarter

  • Horoscope: You may feel more social, more curious about what's possible, and more interested in how your personal gifts can contribute to something bigger than yourself. New friendships or collaborations can blossom now, especially with people who expand your worldview.

Southland

East Texas A&M

  • Birthdate: November 15, 1916 vs Texas A&M

  • Random School Football Record: Most punts downed inside the 20 in a game: 5, Mitchell McGarr, 11/5/2022 vs Northwestern State (Dudes will see this stat and say hell yeah)

  • Horoscope: You will be especially interested in your personal goals, expectations and aspirations. You will think about which things and attitudes do not serve you in the long term and you will try to replace them with new ideals and values.

Houston Christian

  • Birthdate: August 31, 2013 vs Sam Houston State

  • Random School Football Record: First defensive PAT in school history - Tra Fuellen, blocked kick vs Eastern Kentucky, 10/3/2020

  • Horoscope: You feel restless, you want to express your individuality and stand out in the crowd. Your plans will be fulfilled faster than you expect, and new opportunities may arise. You will be full of new ideas and new perspectives.

Incarnate Word

  • Birthdate: September 5, 2009 vs Arkansas Tech

  • Random School Football Record: Most pass breakups in a game by the team - 9, 3/20/2021 vs SELA

  • Horoscope: During this transit you will be full of energy and happy to start any task with enthusiasm. You will use this excess energy in all areas of your life. You may even start doing a new sport. You will have a lot of energy to do and experience new things.

Lamar

  • Birthdate: October 27, 1923 vs Southwestern Louisiana (Aka Ragin’ Cajuns)

  • Random School Football Record: Longest pass play in school history - 93 yards, Johnny Holley to Carl Williams, 10/2/82 vs Texas Southern

  • Horoscope: You will be controlled by your passions. If you use them positively, you can achieve your goals and venture boldly into all challenges.

  • The ending of the Lamar and East Texas A&M Game as called by Stanford Steve and SVP. I never want to feel upset when something as incredible as this happens but enjoy the Bad Beats segment.

Instagram post

McNeese

  • Birthdate: October 9, 1940 vs Southwestern Louisiana (Aka Ragin’ Cajuns)

  • Random School Football Record: Fewest opponent rushing yards in a game: -82 yards, Louisiana Tech, 10/2/1965

  • Horoscope: You can expect pleasant surprises. You may meet someone you haven't seen for a long time or you may experience something unexpected. You will yearn for new things and freedom.

Nicholls

  • Birthdate: October 23, 1971 vs Mississippi College

  • Random School Football Record: Most INT return yardage in a season: 149, Kareem Moore, 2007

  • Horoscope: You will go deep into the past and examine how your experiences have affected you. If you work well with this transit, it is possible to experience a transformation that will push you mentally and help you close a thought cycle that no longer serves you. It is a good time to meditate and relax in solitude.

Northwestern State

  • Birthdate: November 15, 1907 vs Louisiana Tech

  • Random School Football Record: Most safeties forced in a season: 3, 2004

  • Horoscope: You will easily find good arguments and you can achieve mutually beneficial compromises and plans. You may be sent on a business trip or be put in charge of learning something new.

Southeastern Louisiana

  • Birthdate: November 11, 1930 vs Southwestern Louisiana (Aka Ragin’ Cajuns)

  • Random School Football Record: First unbeaten season: 1936, 8-0-1

  • Horoscope: New opportunities, new friends and improvisations - you can experience all this during this transit. You will be bright and innovative, so try something new and experiment!

    CRAZY THAT THREE TEAMS IN THIS CONFERENCE HAD THEIR FIRST GAME EVER AGAINST THE RAGIN’ CAJUNS

Stephen F. Austin

  • Birthdate: October 5, 1923 vs Texas State

  • Random School Football Record: Longest season opener win streak: 6, 1982-1987

  • Horoscope: You will be full of energy. Your self-expression will improve, and your confidence will increase. You may also be awarded for something.

UT Rio Grande Valley

  • Birthdate: 8/30/2025 vs Sul Ross State

  • Random School Football Record: First tackle in program history - Alijah Prosser, 8/30/2025 vs Sul Ross State

  • Horoscope: This is your time to observe, absorb, and express. Your words have power—use them with purpose.

I hope you enjoyed them but understand if some of you didn’t like your horoscopes… I am sorry, I consulted the stars and you can chose to believe in the stars or not.

It was fun for me to see horoscopes but through the lens of football terms in my head.

Also, if you’re curious what sign your program is on the astrology calendar, they are likely one of these five:

  • Virgo: August 23 – September 22

  • Libra: September 23 – October 22

  • Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

  • Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

  • Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

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