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We’re less than two weeks away (I’m going to forget to change this in the middle of writing all of these and you will remind me) from the college football season starting. It’s a fun sentence to type, but this makes me realize we needed to do some conference previews. This year we’re a bit limited on time due to various circumstances, but we wanted to do something fun for FCS and FBS conference previews. In previous years we’ve given you many fun facts about long snappers, punters, and #69s. We’ve tried to predict what level a team would be on the Sickos Weather System scale for the entire year based on vibes. This year, I wanted to try something different.
So for the previews, we’re going to do something fun like we always do. We’re going to give you a random school football statistical record, the birthday of the football team, by using the first-ever game in program history and then going to give you the team’s horoscope based on that birth date, which we just made up.
Will these previews help you get ready for the season? Of course they will!
What’s better than learning random facts about teams and then pairing it with a horoscope based on a made-up birthday we just created? Actually breaking down stats and transfers, recruiting metrics, coaching skills, schemes, and schedules? What? That’s crazy. Who does that? 😉
WELCOME TO THE 2026-27 SICKOS FOOTBALL FORTUNES: THE STARS PREDICT YOUR SEASONS.
THE MONSTER ENERGY Big XII
Arizona:
Birthdate: November 20, 1899 vs. Tucson town team in Tucson, AZ Territory. 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Longest punt return - 94 yards, Jackie Wallace, 10/16/1971 vs UCLA
Horoscope: You will not lack courage, but make sure that you stay rational when you make decisions. However, it is a good time to get out of routine, do something unusual, and follow your feelings. Your reactions will be fast, you will make decisions easily and you will follow your instincts.
Arizona State
Birthdate: October 16, 1897 vs. Phoenix Indian School in Tempe, AZ Territory. 38-20 loss
Random School Football Record: Most receiving yards in a season by a tight end - 832, Todd Heap, 1999
Horoscope: You feel strong and your energy is at its peak. It is now a good time to finish whatever is needed. Expect harmony and improvement in relationships. You can also maintain a better balance between your personal and work life.
Baylor
Birthdate: October 23, 1899 vs. Toby's Practical Business College in Waco, TX. 6-0 win
Random School Football Record: Most career INT return yards - George Sims, 320, 1945-48
Horoscope: You will feel the harmony between your body and spirit. Your needs and desires are connected. Take advantage of this favorable aspect and start something new - be it a new relationship or new approach to life. You will be more confident and easily get the attention and support of others.
BYU
Birthdate: October 7, 1922 vs. Utah Agricultural College (now Utah State University) in Provo, UT. 41-3 loss
Random School Football Record: Most pass attempts in a game - 67, John Beck, 10/8/2004 vs UNLV
Horoscope: This transit brings success, especially in the professional field. You will improve your relationships with people, especially with your superiors. There is a possibility of promotion, greater responsibility or increased wages. If you have your own business, it will become more popular.
Cincinnati
Birthdate: October 23, 1885 vs. Mount Auburn Athletic Club in Cincinnati, OH. 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Fewest yards penalized in a game - 4, 1966 vs Memphis
Horoscope: You can feel insecure about your direction and sense of life. You may also misunderstand the intentions of others. Beware of embarrassing situations and drugs as a means of escape. Do not make important decisions.
Hey look its Scott Satterfield
Colorado
Birthdate: November 15, 1890 at Denver Athletic Club in Denver, CO. 20-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most receiving TDs by a junior - 15, Travis Hunter, 2024
Horoscope: You will tend to keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself. You should evaluate which things should be said and which ones should not, because being too reserved can damage your relationships.
Houston
Birthdate: September 21, 1946 vs. Southwestern Louisiana Institute in Houston, TX (Public School Stadium). 13-7 loss
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive road wins - 9, 11/14/1987 through 9/23/1989
Horoscope: This transit is good for home and legal affairs. During this transit you will have good luck. It is a good time to do creative activities such as writing. You will be popular among others and satisfied with how things are at home. You may receive an award or win a lottery.
Iowa State
Birthdate: October 1892 vs. State Center in Ames, IA (State Field). 6-6 tie
Random School Football Record: Most 100-yard receiving games in a season - 7, Xavier Hutchinson, 2022
Horoscope: This is a great time for conversations, journaling, short trips, and catching up on errands. You may feel more talkative or scattered, so balance your mental stimulation with brief moments of stillness. Share what’s on your heart, but also make space to listen deeply.
Kansas
Birthdate: November 22, 1890 at Baker University in Baldwin City, KS. 22-9 loss
Random School Football Record: Most rushing yards in a 2-game span - 500, Tony Sands, 1991 vs Colorado and Missouri
Horoscope: You will feel the desire for change and surprise. Positive and unexpected things may happen. You will seek new experiences and feel more spontaneous than usual. New opportunities, new friends and improvisations - you can experience all this during this transit. You will be bright and innovative, so try something new and experiment!
Monster Energy Kansas
Kansas State
Birthdate: November 28, 1896 at Fort Riley in Fort Riley, KS. 14-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Highest time of possession - 42:52, 9/7/2019 vs Bowling Green
Horoscope: This is a good time to check in with your finances, spending habits, and feelings around self-worth. You might feel more emotionally attached to possessions or more aware of what truly brings you comfort. Avoid comparing yourself to others—your worth is not measured by numbers.
Oklahoma State
Birthdate: September 27, 1901 at Kingfisher College in Kingfisher, OK Territory. 12-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Highest yards per carry in a bowl - 12.3 yards, Tatum Bell, 2002 Houston Bowl
Horoscope: You might feel more motivated to work hard and earn more, but this isn’t just about hustle—it’s about grounding into a sense of stability and inner strength. Your self-esteem is closely tied to your accomplishments right now, so do take pride in your efforts—but also remember: your worth isn’t defined by your paycheck.
Monster Energy Oklahoma State
TCU
Birthdate: November 28, 1896 vs. Toby's Business College in Waco, TX. 8-6 win
Random School Football Record: Most passing yards in a game - 690, Matt Vogler, 1990 vs Houston
Horoscope: It is now worthwhile to have courage. You will be more proactive, and you can achieve a lot. You are full of energy and self-esteem, so don't worry about even the biggest challenges. You may play a leading role in your work or personal life. This transit is good for physical activity, so it is good to get rid of your excessive energy doing some sport activity.
Texas Tech
Birthdate: October 3, 1925 vs. McMurry College (now McMurry University) in Lubbock, TX (South Plains Fairgrounds). 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Most sack yardage by defense in a game - 61, 1994 vs SMU
Horoscope: An unexpected competition may arise with which you will not have the strength and desire to fight. This will give you feelings of frustration and fatigue. Burnout, headaches and stress are possible. If your anger is suppressed, it is possible that it will now come to the surface.
UCF
Birthdate: September 22, 1979 at Saint Leo College (now Saint Leo University) in St. Leo, FL. 21-0 win
Random School Football Record: Most points in a half - 50, first half, 11/3/2001 vs Akron
Horoscope: More frequent traveling or commuting can be expected. This transit can cause problems with transport and technologies. You should also think carefully before signing any contracts or making important decisions. If you can, postpone these things until your mind calms down.
Utah
Birthdate: November 8, 1892 vs. Fort Douglas in Salt Lake City, UT Territory. 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Longest walk-off field goal - 42 yards, Andre Guardi, 10/19/1985 vs San Diego State
Horoscope: You will feel happy with yourself and overflow with healthy self-esteem. Your desires and emotions will be in complete harmony, and you will use your impulses and passions for achieving positive results. Relationships with others will be marked by honesty and appreciation of the real You. You will also be more independent and willing to take initiative.
West Virginia
Birthdate: November 28, 1891 vs. Washington & Jefferson College in Morgantown, WV (Show Lot). 72-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most shutouts by defense in a season - 8, 1922
Horoscope: You will feel a strong desire to break away from your daily routine and this urge will persist if you do not. This transit will give you the courage to free yourself and do things you would normally be reluctant to do. This feeling will be very strong. Avoid being the subject of controversy.
Monster Energy West Virginia
American
Felt like adding a neon bevel here.
Army
Birthdate: November 19, 1890 vs. the United States Naval Academy in West Point, NY (The Plain). 24-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most rushing TDs in a game by the team - 13, 11/12/1920 vs Bowdoin
Horoscope: You will feel the desire for change and surprise. Positive and unexpected things may happen. You will seek new experiences and feel more spontaneous than usual. New opportunities, new friends and improvisations - you can experience all this during this transit. You will be bright and innovative, so try something new and experiment!:
Charlotte
Birthdate: October 12, 1946 at 505th Infantry Regiment in Fayetteville, NC. 26-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Longest TFL - -38 yards, Alex Petzke, 10/5/2013 vs Gardner-Webb
Horoscope: During this transit, you will feel the desire for adventure and novel experiences. You will not be too patient and persistent, and if unexpected problems arise, you may react with irritation. On the other hand, this transit may also bring unexpected experiences that will put a smile on your face.
ECU
Birthdate: October 29, 1932 at Presbyterian Junior College in Maxton, NC. 32-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Fewest fumbles in a season - 7, 2022
Horoscope: You will have plenty of opportunities to communicate your ideas to others. However, avoid being arrogant when you communicate, it could lead to uncomfortable quarrels and misunderstandings. You will also be very busy organising work-related stuff and dealing with authorities.
Florida Atlantic
Birthdate: September 1, 2001 vs. Slippery Rock University in Miami, FL (Pro Player Stadium). 40-7 loss
Random School Football Record: Most passes defended in a season - 20, D’Joun Smith, 2013
Horoscope: You will feel happy with yourself and overflow with healthy self-esteem. Your desires and emotions will be in complete harmony, and you will use your impulses and passions for achieving positive results. Relationships with others will be marked by honesty and appreciation of the real You. You will also be more independent and willing to take initiative.
Memphis
Birthdate: October 5, 1912 vs. Memphis University School in Memphis, TN (Red Elm Park). 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Most punts in a season - 95, 2011
Horoscope: You will have to deal with unexpected changes in your schedule. Avoid being overly temperamental and indecisive, because it can lower your popularity and cause bad business decisions. You may feel lonely and stressed out. Therefore, it is not a good time for any new beginnings.
Have you ever heard Cher’s version of Walking in Memphis? Just listen to the first time she says Memphis and enjoy.
Birthdate: December 11, 1879 vs. Baltimore Athletic Club in Annapolis, MD (Superintendent’s Cow Pasture). 0-0 tie
Random School Football Record: Most rushing yards by a QB in a game - 304, Malcolm Perry, 2019 vs Army
Horoscope: You may tend to be manipulative and it will be hard for you to accept things as they are. On the other hand, it will be easier for you to find inner strength to overcome obstacles.
North Texas
Birthdate: November 22, 1913 vs. Texas Christian University in Denton, TX (Eagle Field). 13-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Most sacks in a game for a player - 5.5, Brandon Kennedy, 2002 vs Idaho
Horoscope: You will feel the need for excitement, and you will have the energy and desire to overcome obstacles. However, you might throw yourself into things without thinking about the consequences. You will be passionate in all areas of life, sometimes until reaching your limits. Try to approach these situations with more caution in order to avoid getting into unpleasant situations or even endangering your health.
Rice
Birthdate: October 26, 1912 vs. Houston High School in Houston, TX (West End Park). 7-6 win
Random School Football Record: Lowest interception % in a season - 1.25%, 2012 (5 INTs thrown on 401 attempts)
Horoscope: You will feel the harmony between your body and spirit. Your needs and desires are connected. Take advantage of this favourable aspect and start something new - be it a new relationship or new approach to life. You will be more confident and easily get the attention and support of others.
Cannot wait for OWLTOBER FEST
South Florida
Birthdate: September 6, 1997 vs. Kentucky Wesleyan College in Tampa, FL (Houlihan’s Stadium). 80-3 win
Random School Football Record: Longest home win streak - 21 games, 9/2/2000 through 10/4/2003
Horoscope: Your mind is working at full speed and you can approach things with clarity and logic. Use this transit to make important decisions and to plan future activities. If you are traveling somewhere, there will be no obstacles.
Temple
Birthdate: November 15, 1894 vs. Philadelphia Dental College. 14-6 win
Random School Football Record: Most points in a quarter - 51, 1926 vs Blue Ridge, second quarter
Horoscope: You will be controlled by your passions. If you use them positively, you can achieve your goals and venture boldly into all challenges. The pitfalls of this transit are hidden in bad temper, impatience, and even aggressiveness. You will also tend to make hasty decisions. Relationships with men may be strained. It is advisable to discharge this excess energy, for example, in a gym or while doing some sports.
Tulane
Birthdate: November 18, 1893 vs. Southern Athletic Club in New Orleans, LA (Sportsman’s Park). 12-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Longest Completion in School History - 94 yards Shaun King to JaJuan Dawson vs. SMU - 9/12/98
Horoscope: You may have to deal with problems related to your plans and goals. The sun will uncover any mistakes that you made, and you will have the chance to reconsider your decisions and make changes. Beware of relationships with your superiors and of your big ego.
Tulane Mardi Gras city Edition unis
Tulsa
Birthdate: 1895 vs. Indian University (now Bacone College) in Muskogee, OK Territory. Win (score not recorded) (as Henry Kendall College):
Random School Football Record: Longest rushing play Solomon White vs UNLV - 93 yards in 1994
Horoscope: This is not the time to push yourself outward. Instead, focus on softening, healing, and restoring. Even if you're busy in daily life, make sacred space for stillness.
UAB:
Birthdate: September 7th, 1991 vs. Millsaps College in Jackson, MS (Alumni Field). 28-0 loss
Random School Football Record: Largest margin of victory - 75-0, 11/2/1991 vs Albany Turner
Horoscope: You will feel satisfied with your life. Any tension in relationships is likely to disappear and you will be able to focus on maintaining peace. You will also benefit from a walk in a place where you feel relaxed and comfortable. Communication with others, studying and developing new ideas will make you happy. This transit is good for negotiating, establishing new business contacts and executing transactions.
UTSA:
Birthdate: September 3, 2011 vs. Northeastern State University in San Antonio, TX (Alamodome). 31-3 win
Random School Football Record: Most tackles in a game - 19, Jamal Ligon, 9/25/2020 vs MTSU
Horoscope: During this transit you will be absorbed by the world of fantasy and imagination. This can be great especially if you make a living by doing creative activities. You are more receptive to the needs of others, so your relationships are going well.
Hey its the Alamodome
I hope you enjoyed them but understand if some of you didn’t like your horoscopes… I am sorry, I consulted the stars and you can chose to believe in the stars or not.
It was fun for me to see horoscopes but through the lens of football terms in my head.
Also, if you’re curious what sign your program is on the astrology calendar, they are likely one of these five:
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Libra: September 23 – October 22
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
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