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We’re less than four weeks away (I’m going to forget to change this in the middle of writing all of these and you will remind me) from the college football season starting. It’s a fun sentence to type, but this makes me realize we needed to do some conference previews. This year we’re a bit limited on time due to various circumstances, but we wanted to do something fun for FCS and FBS conference previews. In previous years we’ve given you many fun facts about long snappers, punters, and #69s. We’ve tried to predict what level a team would be on the Sickos Weather System scale for the entire year based on vibes. This year, I wanted to try something different.
So for the previews, we’re going to do something fun like we always do. We’re going to give you a random school football statistical record, the birthday of the football team, by using the first-ever game in program history and then going to give you the team’s horoscope based on that birth date, which we just made up.
Will these previews help you get ready for the season? Of course they will!
What’s better than learning random facts about teams and then pairing it with a horoscope based on a made-up birthday we just created? Actually breaking down stats and transfers, recruiting metrics, coaching skills, schemes, and schedules? What? That’s crazy. Who does that? 😉
WELCOME TO THE 2026-27 SICKOS FOOTBALL FORTUNES: THE STARS PREDICT YOUR SEASONS.
THE BIG SKY
BIG SKY BANGERS
Cal Poly
Birthdate: 10/2/1915 vs Santa Barbara High School
Random School Football Record: Most Passing yards in a season - Seth Burford, 2,672 yards in 2000
Horoscope: You will feel satisfied with your life. Communication with others, studying and developing new ideas will make you happy. This transit is good for negotiating, establishing new business contacts and executing transactions.
Eastern Washington
Birthdate: 10/26/1901 vs Spokane High School
Random School Football Record: Most tackles for loss in a Career - 63 - Greg Peach - 2005-08
Horoscope: You will feel the need for excitement, and you will have the energy and desire to overcome obstacles. However, you might throw yourself into things without thinking about the consequences. Try to approach these situations with more caution in order to avoid getting into unpleasant situations or even endangering your health.
Idaho
Birthdate: 11/30/1893 vs Spokane Athletic Club
Random School Football Record: Longest Field Goal - 56 yard - Mike Hollis vs. NAU Oct. 30, 1993
Horoscope: You are overflowing with energy or, on the contrary, you have little energy and feel restless. You easily get into conflict with others and feel frustrated. You should, therefore, find a way to control your energy, for example through sport or meditation.
Idaho State
Birthdate: November 15, 1904 vs Utah State
Random School Football Record: Most Receptions in a single season - Rodrick Rumble - 112 - 2011
Horoscope: You will just be lucky! This transit will help you achieve any of your goals. You will have good judgment and can make correct evaluations on which things and people will benefit you. However, be careful not to pretend to be somebody you are not and pretend that you are better than you really are.
Montana
Birthdate: October 22, 1897 vs Missoula
Random School Football Record: Most Receptions in a single game - 21 Jerry Louie-McGee, @Cal Poly, 2016
Horoscope: You will feel happy with yourself and overflow with healthy self-esteem. Your desires and emotions will be in complete harmony, and you will use your impulses and passions for achieving positive results. You will also be more independent and willing to take initiative.
Montana State
Birthdate: November 13, 1897 vs Butte High School
Random School Football Record: Most field goals in a career - 69 - J. Cunningham, 2008-11 (nice)
Horoscope: This transit brings emotional stability, a sense of satisfaction and a good mood. Your intuition will be great. You will be very popular, so it's a good time to make new acquaintances and friends. There will not be any problems related to financial and family matters. This transit is great for investments, property and business matters.
I had to put this in here for Montana State alum Big Sky Brigit - Hey remember when Montana State won it all last year??
Northern Arizona
Birthdate: November 15, 1915 vs Arizona State
Random School Football Record: Most rushing TDS in a single game - 7 - Archie Amerson vs. Weber State 1996 - (FCS record)
Horoscope: This transit is favorable for trips, any type of learning and education, writing, and relationships with the public and lawyers. Your mind is overflowing with optimism, and it is easy for other people to work with you. You may be promoted at work or you may receive an interesting offer.
Northern Colorado
Birthdate: April 1, 1893 vs Colorado State
Random School Football Record: Most receptions by a Tight End in a Season - 37 - Ryan Chesla, 2007 and 2008
Horoscope: Expect surprises and unexpected changes in your plans. You may also choose to change your direction. Your superiors may behave illogically. You may be nervous and restless. There is a risk of injury.
Portland State
Birthdate: October 15, 1948 vs Humboldt State
Random School Football Record: Most Passing attempts in a single game - 77, Neil Lomax, 1979 at Northern Colorado
Random note, I had the Starting Lineup Figure of Neil Lomax. You can get it here for $13 on eBay.
Horoscope: Expect to be in a rush and unfocused. You will approach things with exaggerated optimism. Therefore, do not engage in any risky behavior, betting, etc. You can also become a subject of controversy and a minor scandal.
Southern Utah
Birthdate: 9/7/1963 (NAIA) vs College of Idaho
Random School Football Record: Longest Punt in School History - 96- Tate Lewis vs. Brevard College, 2015
Horoscope: You may feel emotional about your career or long-term direction. Acknowledge your accomplishments and tend to your public image with care. It’s also a good time to nurture professional relationships or step into a leadership role—softly, but with clarity.
UC Davis
Birthdate: October 9, 1915 vs St. Mary’s
Random School Football Record: Most Extra Points made in a Season - Eric Friend - 2000 - 77
Horoscope: Feelings of pragmatism and sober thinking will prevail. Instead of having fun, you will prefer to keep to your routine and do your duties. You will have a great self-discipline that allows you to complete your tasks quickly and efficiently. Asking for advice and support of older people will be beneficial to you.
Utah Tech
Birthdate: 8/24/2006 v Colorado Mesa
Random School Football Record: Career TDs Leader - Joe Don Duncan - 2011-13 - 22
Horoscope: You will feel the desire for change and surprise. Positive and unexpected things may happen. You will seek new experiences and feel more spontaneous than usual. New opportunities, new friends and improvisations - you can experience all this during this transit. You will be bright and innovative, so try something new and experiment!
Weber State
Birthdate: October 13, 1962 vs Montana
Random School Football Record: Season Record for Receptions - TIGHT END - Alfred Pupunu - 93 - 1991 - Listen to Chris Berman say Alfred PUPUNU PLATTER as the San Diego Chargers upset the Steelers to make the Super Bowl quarterbacked by Stan Humphries (ULM MENTIONED)
Horoscope: You may be criticized, or you may receive bad news. Communication with others can be slow or lead to feelings of frustration. Try not to take things too personally and negatively. You should find time to relax.
CAA
Albany
Birthdate: October 4, 1922 vs Union
Random School Football Record: Most receiving yards in a 3-game span - 469, Chris Phillis, Nov. 4-18, 2000 (nice)
Horoscope: You will be full of energy. Your self-expression will improve, and your confidence will increase. You may also be awarded for something.
Bryant
Birthdate: September 11, 1999 vs Assumption
Random School Football Record: Most Offensive Plays in a game - 102, 9/16/17 at Brown
Horoscope: You will feel happy with yourself and overflow with healthy self-esteem. Your desires and emotions will be in complete harmony, and you will use your impulses and passions for achieving positive results.
Did you think I wasn’t Ghana mention that Bryant hosted Ghana? I wasn’t Ghana let this opportunity slip.
Campbell
Birthdate: August 30, 2008 vs Birmingham Southern
Random School Football Record: Opponent beaten the most times - Davidson, 7
Horoscope: You will be controlled by your passions. If you use them positively, you can achieve your goals and venture boldly into all challenges. The pitfalls of this transit are hidden in bad temper, impatience, and even aggressiveness. You will also tend to make hasty decisions.
Elon (Why should I change my name, he’s the one who sucks - Office Space - 1999)
Birthdate: October 23, 1909 vs Bingham Military
Random School Football Record: Most QB Hurries in a season - 10, Cazeem Moore, 2024
Horoscope: Be careful not to act impulsively and do things without thinking carefully first. It is not a good time to start something new and you may feel frustrated when you do not see the results of your work.
Hampton
Birthdate: 1902 (Date unknown) vs Armstrong Manual Training (Appears September 28th, 1902 but could not confirm)
Random School Football Record: Most punts in a season - 77, 1971 and 2010
Horoscope: This transit brings with it a period of isolation, pessimism, and a desire to withdraw from public life. In some cases, you will also terminate an important relationship. Try to maintain optimism and hope because the effect of this transit does not last too long. It will be beneficial for you to focus on detail, on involving critical thinking and solving problems.
Maine
Birthdate: October 30, 1892 vs Colby
Random School Football Record: Largest home crowd - 11,600, 1951 vs Bowdoin
Horoscope: With this transit you will feel increased confidence and energy to get things done. You can handle a lot of things at once. Any physical activity will be very beneficial for you now.
Monmouth
Birthdate: September 11, 1993 vs Stonehill
Random School Football Record: Highest pass efficiency in a season - 161.80, Derek Robertson, 2024
Horoscope: Honest and diligent effort will bring you results. You will be more patient and willing to wait for the fruits of your labor. In your work you will be methodical and strategic, and you will not make even the slightest mistakes.
Monmouth had only one coach in their 33 year history - Kevin Callahan. He retired at the end of last season. Offensive Coordinator Jeff Gallo takes over this year. Coach Callahan’s retirement made Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz the longest tenured coach in Division I football.
New Hampshire
Birthdate: November 4, 1893 vs Newmarket
Random School Football Record: Most punts in a game - 17, Paul Horne, 1938 vs St. Anselm
Horoscope: Expect surprises and unexpected changes in your plans. You may also choose to change your direction. Your superiors may behave illogically. You may be nervous and restless. There is a risk of injury.
North Carolina A&T
Birthdate: 1901 (Date unknown) vs Livingstone (Appears to be November 16, 1901 but could not confirm)
Random School Football Record: Last player with a forced fumble and INT in the same game - Jeremy Taylor, 9/30/17 vs SC State
Horoscope: Your perception and reality will come into conflict. You may feel overly self-confident. Your enthusiasm can degenerate into disappointment. This may make you feel pessimistic and helpless.
Rhode Island
Birthdate: October 24, 1895 vs Pawtucket High School
Random School Football Record: Most Pass Breakups in a season as a team - 54, 1984 and 2025
Horoscope: Your concentration will improve, and you will be driven by your desire for power. It is an ideal time for financial matters and to explore things in depth.
Sacred Heart
Birthdate: September 14, 1991 vs Brockport
Random School Football Record: Most punt return attempts in a game - 11, Pete Athans, 11/9/2002 vs Siena
Horoscope: You will be controlled by your passions. If you use them positively, you can achieve your goals and venture boldly into all challenges. The pitfalls of this transit are hidden in bad temper, impatience, and even aggressiveness. It is advisable to discharge this excess energy, for example, in a gym or while doing some sports.
Sacred Heart is new to the CAA this year.
Stony Brook
Birthdate: September 24, 1984 vs Hofstra
Random School Football Record: Most rushing first downs in a game - 26, 11/8/2008 vs Iona
Horoscope: You feel restless, you want to express your individuality and stand out in the crowd. Your plans will be fulfilled faster than you expect, and new opportunities may arise. You will be full of new ideas and new perspectives.
Towson
Birthdate: September 20, 1969 vs Washington & Lee
Random School Football Record: Most rushing attempts in a game - 41, Tony Vinson, 10/24/1992 vs JMU
Horoscope: This transit brings success, especially in the professional field. You will improve your relationships with people, especially with your superiors. There is a possibility of promotion, greater responsibility or increased wages.
FCS Independents
I just made this up since I didn’t want the two FCS Independents to feel left out.
Chicago State
Birthdate: August 29, 2026 vs Roosevelt (due date for their first game)
Random School Football Record: No Records JUST YET
Horoscope: Today you will be more reflective and feel the desire to set long-term goals and resolutions - for example start exercising. You will have more energy and determination than ever. You will also want to be the center of attention.
Merrimack
Birthdate: September 13, 1996 vs Western New England, 20-3 W
Random School Football Record: 4 Kick Return TDs in a Season - Andrew Jackson - 2005
Horoscope: You will have a bright and clear mind that will help you feel more confident. This will make it easier for you to promote your ideas and communicate with a larger group of people or with your superiors. You will easily find good arguments and you can achieve mutually beneficial compromises and plans. You may be sent on a business trip or be put in charge of learning something new.
Merrimack Helmet
I hope you enjoyed them but understand if some of you didn’t like your horoscopes… I am sorry, I consulted the stars and you can chose to believe in the stars or not.
It was fun for me to see horoscopes but through the lens of football terms in my head.
Also, if you’re curious what sign your program is on the astrology calendar, they are likely one of these five.
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Libra: September 23 – October 22
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
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