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We’re less than three weeks away (I’m going to forget to change this in the middle of writing all of these and you will remind me) from the college football season starting. It’s a fun sentence to type, but this makes me realize we needed to do some conference previews. This year we’re a bit limited on time due to various circumstances, but we wanted to do something fun for FCS and FBS conference previews. In previous years we’ve given you many fun facts about long snappers, punters, and #69s. We’ve tried to predict what level a team would be on the Sickos Weather System scale for the entire year based on vibes. This year, I wanted to try something different.
So for the previews, we’re going to do something fun like we always do. We’re going to give you a random school football statistical record, the birthday of the football team, by using the first-ever game in program history and then going to give you the team’s horoscope based on that birth date, which we just made up.
Will these previews help you get ready for the season? Of course they will!
What’s better than learning random facts about teams and then pairing it with a horoscope based on a made-up birthday we just created? Actually breaking down stats and transfers, recruiting metrics, coaching skills, schemes, and schedules? What? That’s crazy. Who does that? 😉
WELCOME TO THE 2026-27 SICKOS FOOTBALL FORTUNES: THE STARS PREDICT YOUR SEASONS.
The Ivy League
Brown
Birthdate: November 13, 1878 vs Amherst
Random School Football Record: MOST INTERCEPTIONS (Single-Game) - 5 Walt Pastuszak 10/8/1949 vs. Rhode Island
Horoscope: If you feel unrecognized or not recognized for the things you have put energy into in the past, you can build an inaccessible wall around you that will be very hard to break through. Together with this, feelings of frustration and detachment may appear.
Columbia
Birthdate: November 5, 1870 vs Rutgers
Random School Football Record: Most Punts in a Single Game - 15 Otto Appel vs Brown, Nov. 18, 1944
Horoscope: You will have to fight with the feelings of inadequacy and hesitation that have now resurfaced. If you don't, Saturn will put obstacles and constraints in your way. Therefore, work on your self-esteem and do not be afraid to confront your fears. You will be rewarded.
Cornell
Birthdate: November 12, 1887 vs Union College
Random School Football Record: Most Tackles in a Single Game - 27, Chris Zingo; at Brown; 11/2/1991 (16-11)
Horoscope: Expect disruptions of your daily routine. If you do not like change, try to survive this transit in as much peace as possible. You will find it hard to receive orders and instructions from others. You will feel the need for independence, and you will feel somewhat rebellious.
Cornell, I need this helmet back. The white stripe that says Cornell. NEED IT.
Dartmouth
Birthdate: November 16, 1881 vs Amherst
Random School Football Record: Most Touchdowns in a Single Game - 7 - Fred Jennings vs. Amherst 1898 (Dart 64-6)
Horoscope: You will feel the need for excitement, and you will have the energy and desire to overcome obstacles. However, you might throw yourself into things without thinking about the consequences. You will be passionate in all areas of life, sometimes until reaching your limits. Try to approach these situations with more caution in order to avoid getting into unpleasant situations or even endangering your health.
Harvard
Birthdate: May 14, 1874 vs McGill
Random School Football Record: Most Rushing Yards in a Single Game - Matt Johnson - 30 att 323 yds 1 TD at Brown - 1991
Horoscope: You will feel happy with yourself and overflow with healthy self-esteem. Your desires and emotions will be in complete harmony, and you will use your impulses and passions for achieving positive results. Relationships with others will be marked by honesty and appreciation of the real You. You will also be more independent and willing to take initiative.
Penn
Birthdate: November 11, 1876 vs Princeton
Random School Football Record: Most Sacks in a Season - 16.5 Mitch Marrow (1996)
Horoscope: You will get along well with others, be it your close family members or acquaintances. There may be a person from the past with whom you have unresolved issues and now is the ideal time to resolve the problem. It is also a great time to perform in front of large number of people.
Shout out to Penn’s toast Zamboni.
Princeton
Birthdate: November 6, 1869 vs Rutgers (first game ever!)
Random School Football Record: Most punts in a Season - 82 - Matthew C. Evans, 1996 (3340 yards)
Horoscope: This transit brings emotional stability, a sense of satisfaction and a good mood. Your intuition will be great. You will be very popular, so it's a good time to make new acquaintances and friends. There will not be any problems related to financial and family matters. This transit is great for investments, property and business matters.
Yale
Birthdate: November 16, 1872 vs Columbia
Random School Football Record: Most Punt Return yardage in a Season - Charles Ewart 1936 - 299 yards
Horoscope: Now is the ideal time for all matters related to communication and expression of your intentions. It is a good time to do things such as signing contracts and handling correspondence. Thanks to your sharp mind, it is also a great time to learn something new. At work you will be in intense contact with your colleagues and superiors.
MEAC
Delaware State
Birthdate: 1924 (date unknown), L vs Lincoln (PA) 0-65
Random School Football Record: Most career fumble recoveries - 12, Justin Mitchell, 2001-2003
Horoscope: You may feel emotionally uplifted by a new idea or philosophical conversation. If restlessness hits, try stepping out of your routine or immersing yourself in a perspective that uplifts you.
Howard
Birthdate: 1893 (date unknown), W vs Washington YMCA 40-6
Random School Football Record: Most TFL in a season - 28.5, Keith Pough, 2010
Horoscope: Expect surprises and unexpected changes in your plans. You may also choose to change your direction. Your superiors may behave illogically. You may be nervous and restless. There is a risk of injury.
I have to mention the Howard mascots at every chance I get. The Bison and Lady Bison.
Morgan State
Birthdate: 1898 (score and opponent lost to time, this was the first year they began playing football)
Random School Football Record: Longest pass completion - 99 yards, Michael Moore, 1995 vs Florida A&M
Horoscope: You feel strong and your energy is at its peak. It is now a good time to finish whatever is needed. Expect harmony and improvement in relationships. You can also maintain a better balance between your personal and work life.
Norfolk State
Birthdate: 1938 (date unknown), W vs Virginia Union Freshmen 13-6
Random School Football Record: Most time of possession in a game - 42:35, 10/27/2001 vs Howard
Horoscope: Your schedule will be packed with events, which will be very satisfying. You will be more curious than usual and perceive life from a different perspective. You may use electronics for communication more frequently. You may feel more nervous than you usually do.
William “Dick” Price Stadium
North Carolina Central
Birthdate: November 23, 1922, L at North Carolina A&T 0-26, (as National Training School)
Random School Football Record: Longest punt - 89 yards, Thurman Jones, 10/26/1968 vs Maryland State
Horoscope: This is a powerful day for introspection, transformation, and releasing what no longer serves. Don’t fear the shadows—they hold insight.
South Carolina State
Birthdate: November 1907, L vs Morehouse 0-45, (as South Carolina Agricultural and Mechanical College)
Random School Football Record: Most 100-yard rushing games in a season - 8, Will Ford, 2008
Horoscope: During this transit you will maintain positive thinking in all situations. You will be very giving and do good deeds. You will give others the impression that you are generous and wise.
Missouri Valley
Illinois State
Birthdate: September 10th, 1887, 12-4 win vs Illinois Wesleyan
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive games with a catch - 45, Tyrone Walker, 2009-12
Horoscope: You feel strong and your energy is at its peak. It is now a good time to finish whatever is needed. Expect harmony and improvement in relationships.
Head Coach BROCK SPACK and his glorious mustache.
Indiana State
Birthdate: October 10th, 1896, loss vs Terre Haute High School (no score reported)
Random School Football Record: Most PAT attempts in a season - 45, Cory Little, 2010
Horoscope: This explosive energy will awaken a lot of passionate reactions in you. It wakes up your animal instincts and you can "fight or run". Accidents, battles, clashes with police and other security forces may occur. You can also get robbed. (What are you going to do this year our beloved Sickomores???)
I just love this stadium how it opens up into a park.
Murray State
Birthdate: September 26th, 1924, 0-0 tie vs Union University Freshman
Random School Football Record: Longest field goal - 62 yards, Paul Hickert, 10/11/1996 vs Eastern Kentucky
Horoscope: You will be more confident about your mental abilities and your ability to communicate your ideas will improve. You will also be more curious than usual. However, you will find it difficult to put your ideas into practice because your mind will be overflowing with thoughts. You may also feel a little distracted because you will spend a lot of time thinking, and you will not be able to see things in context.
North Dakota
Birthdate: November 2nd, 1894, 24-6 loss vs North Dakota Agricultural (now NDSU)
Random School Football Record: Most career postseason tackles - 86, Digger Anderson, 2002-05
Horoscope: Your perception and reality will come into conflict. You may feel overly self-confident. Your enthusiasm can degenerate into disappointment. This may make you feel pessimistic and helpless. There may also be unexpected obstacles and inconveniences.
Northern Iowa
Birthdate: October 19th, 1895, 12-10 win vs Coe College
Random School Football Record: Last game with 3 100+ yard rushers - 11/10/2007 vs Indiana State (Darian Williams (115), Derrick Law (105), Taylor Brookings (101))
Horoscope: You will be full of energy and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to put this energy to good use. Your initiative will not meet any resistance and thus it is a good time to start a new project, business, hobby or activity. You’ll feel confident and secure but you might seem a little too pushy. Try to control your temper.
The UNI Dome North Endzone
South Dakota
Birthdate: 1889, 6-6 tie vs South Dakota Agricultural (Now South Dakota State) (I used October 6th, 1889)
Random School Football Record: Most career 100+ yard rushing games at the DakotaDome - 7, L.J. Phillips Jr., 2023-25
Horoscope: Your subconscious motives and the psychological causes of your actions will resurface. You may experience moments of frustration, but if you learn to work with this energy, it can help you to understand and solve your problems. However, you may also be irritated and have no idea why you are acting according to patterns of behaviour learned in the past, even on a subconscious level. This transit gives you the ideal opportunity to work with these patterns and break them.
South Dakota State
Birthdate: 1889, 6-6 vs South Dakota (could not find exact date, but claimed as first game for both teams) (I used November 6th, 1889)
Random School Football Record: Most fumbles forced in a game - 10, 11/18/1972 vs Quantico Marines
Horoscope: You will be especially interested in your personal goals, expectations and aspirations. You will think about which things and attitudes do not serve you in the long term and you will try to replace them with new ideals and values.
DEAR SOUTH DAKOTA AND SOUTH DAKOTA STATE, HOW CAN NEITHER OF YOU KNOW WHAT WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU PLAYED EACH OTHER EXCEPT IN 1889??? (I kind of want to email both of you now to figure this out or someone tell us please)
Southern Illinois
Birthdate: October 4th, 1913, 13-0 win vs Anna High School
Random School Football Record: Most consecutive shutouts - 6, 1930
Horoscope: You will feel the need for excitement, and you will have the energy and desire to overcome obstacles. However, you might throw yourself into things without thinking about the consequences. Try to approach these situations with more caution in order to avoid getting into unpleasant situations.
Youngstown State
Birthdate: September 15th, 1938, 12-6 loss vs Geneva College
Random School Football Record: Highest single-season completion percentage - 69.6%, Mitch Davidson, 2023 (nice)
Horoscope: You might feel more motivated to work hard and earn more, but this isn’t just about hustle—it’s about grounding into a sense of stability and inner strength. Your self-esteem is closely tied to your accomplishments right now, so do take pride in your efforts.
Pete and Penny Penguin
I hope you enjoyed them but understand if some of you didn’t like your horoscopes… I am sorry, I consulted the stars and you can chose to believe in the stars or not.
It was fun for me to see horoscopes but through the lens of football terms in my head.
Also, if you’re curious what sign your program is on the astrology calendar, they are likely one of these five:
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Libra: September 23 – October 22
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
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