Hey, it’s Jordan from the Sickos Committee. I’ve had this take rattling around in my brain for months and it’s finally time to unleash it on the world.

Want a fast food hot take for your day? In-N-Out fries are good.

“But wait, Jordan”, you might be thinking. “In-N-Out fries? The worst part of any meal at the chain? They’re limp! They’re colorless! They taste like sadness in fry form. Like if a potato went through a breakup.”

I know it’s easy to get clicks by complaining about fries from the popular west coast burger joint. Every six months, someone seems to make this post and get 1,000+ likes. It’s low hanging fruit.

I’m not here to argue with you. I’m here to help you ascend. I’m here to give you some ideas to level up those fries so you can see the wonder that I see.

Two magic words that solve a bunch of the standard complaints with the fries.

In-N-Out fries are made of one magical ingredient: potatoes. They’re fresh cut and fried once. You can watch the employees chop your fries right in front of your eyes. That’s magic.

But maybe you’re not here for the standard. That’s when “well done” comes in. It’s a cheat code. That’s when the kitchen hits them with extra time in the fryer, turning them from pale potato sticks into the crunchy boys your soul craves.

When you order “well done,” you get crisp edges and golden brown glory that laughs in the face of the soggy fries you’ve suffered through before.

Ordering your In-N-Out fries “Animal Style” is leveling up. You’ve moved from a simple side dish to a magical second meal. This isn’t just a gimmick; it’s a way of life.

What do you get? Well, you get the spread (their version of thousand island dressing), grilled onions, and cheese. A giant, messy tray of goodness that could be a meal unto itself.

You will need napkins. You will get sauce on your phone (like I did when I was writing this). You will briefly consider whether eating these in your car was a mistake (it wasn’t).

You know that little package of salt that comes with every order of fries? That’s not a decoration. You gotta salt those bad boys.

Salt those fries yourself, and give yourself a little sodium treat. Salt is the magical seasoning that makes food taste more like food, so why would you skimp on it?

Fries are not immortal. They are made to be eaten within minutes of coming out of the fryer. If you let them ride in a paper bag for 15 minutes while you drive home, their quality is going to collapse. You’re punishing yourself.

Eat them first, in the bag as you drive away if you have to.

Burgers are resilient; they have grit. Fries have a gloriously small window of perfection, and you are disrespecting it if you don’t munch immediately.

In-N-Out isn’t McDonalds, and these fries haven’t been developed in a lab to be the exact same frozen potato the world over. They are chasing the fresh fry experience. Every container of fries starts with a goddamn potato that you can literally watch turn into fries. It is not fast food in the industrial sense.

Some are going to have different shapes, different textures, or different amounts of crispy bits. You’re eating a real potato.

Respect the potato.

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